Letters to Autumn 23

Letters to Autumn 23

Dear Autumn,

I’m back on that writing things down in a notebook game today for the sake of my sanity and also clarity.

Turns out I kind of missed the act of just writing. It’s not even been all that long since I last did it. Amazing how quickly some things can feel almost like habits.

While I’m talking about notebooks and the like, I’ve also come to realise something else.

I’m gonna need more notebooks.

I have countless ones already that are filled with all my old stuff that is most likely on this blog in some for or other. I also have a few blank ones knocking about, but to be honest the style of notebook that they are just doesn’t suit me anymore.

It’s almost amazing how a certain type of notebook can become your favourite.

The ones that I used to covet and always stock up on a few years ago are now ones that I wouldn’t touch. My current notebook love is A5 (I think) and has nice thick lined pages and are colourful with an array of slogans on the front. If you scroll far enough back on my Instagram you’ll see the kind of vibe I’m currently going for.

But back to the point. I’m going to need more notebooks. I have 4 in circulation (I know). I’m coming to the end of one now and have the sole blank one that I own bookmarked to become my new blog one. I’m gonna fill it imminently with so many books reviews and other stuff that will eventually show up here. The other 2 are not blank, but on houses the plan for the old Thing and the other houses the writing I’ve done for the old Thing.

And I’ve realised that I don’t want to muddle the two things together. I want to keep them separate as we head into NaNo month. I need the space to fully flesh out the old Thing and to flesh out the current Thing. Which means I need a new notebook(s).

I mean to be honest it takes almost nothing to ever convince me of that fact, but in this instance it is genuinely required for the sake of my damn sanity.

This feels like a good excuse. So that task now makes up some of my weekend plans. Notebook shopping (also I saw a jumpsuit over the weekend that I loved and couldn’t find in my size so I might see if a different store houses it, can you tell I get paid this week…)


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Letters to Autumn 22

Letters to Autumn 22

Dear Autumn,

There has been something lacking in my life a little bit lately. And that something is using a damn pen and paper. The letters for the last week or so have all just come out of my head and made their way straight onto the screen.

I honestly had no idea at any point where the hell any of them were going to go and to be honest I don’t ever really know where they are gonna go but they are way more controlled when I am writing them out because if I just go on a walkabout when writing by hand my hand cramps up, or I get bored of writing halfway through, or I have to cross shit out and I hate doing that and so I am a lot more considered when I am writing. When my hands just move across a keyboard and stick whatever the hell I am thinking I lose the thread and it becomes wayyyy more stream of consciousness.

Guess which one this post is a product of?

I am so close to finishing up a notebook and then I can move on to a fresh and clean one. I really need to actually physically writing up a bunch of posts that I need to have up for next month which is making an appearance into the world NEXT week, which is just really gross to think about because I am very unprepared.

So that is basically what I’m trying to get back to this week. Actually writing things down and also actually writing all those posts that need to get typed up before next month starts. I’ve also gotta get all this shit together and formulate a physical plan for The Thing. I’ve only just clocked that November starts in just over a week and now I’m low key panicking.

Off to try and be productive…

Love,Main sign off

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Letters to Autumn 21

Letters to Autumn 21

Dear Autumn,

Can I level with you, the weather right now is confusing.

The amount of conversations I have about this weather right now is ridiculous. They are almost always daily. And then they happen when we are actually out there experiencing the weather because we almost always start to overheat.

I bring this up mostly because almost every day this week I have been caught out by the damn heat. I am just out here trying to live my best layered life and the weather keeps being 18 degrees and testing that. The amount of times I currently overheat and get proper sweaty is insane.

And also low key inconvenient. I just wanna wear a jumper and a jacket. I’m not even talking about a full winter coat just yet. I just want some layers and not have to do up a zip. And not wear a scarf. I just want to not have to carry around my jacket while genuinely debating whether I should ditch the jumper as well.

But then here is the other thing about this current crazy weather. I am currently still very much enjoying this weather on some level. I like the fact that during the day there is still some heat in that sun and then having it capped off in the morning and night with that chill that is usually associated with this time of year.

I am loving getting to see the really crisp sunsets and feeling the day warm up. I’m loving how bright everything feels. I’m loving that chill in the air and the fact that for the first time in a while this week I finally saw my breath as I walked into work due to the cold. I’m just loving it.

Even if it means that I overheat halfway through the day and about half of the conversations I have right now are about weather…

Love,Main sign off

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Letters to Autumn 20

Letters to Autumn 20

Dear Autumn,

I have not had a dream in a hot minute and I mean that literally. Not in a maybe I’ve hd a dream but just can’t remember way, in a legit I just hardly ever dream kind of way.

But this week.

They’ve been almost nightly for some reason.

And they’ve been a weird blend of shit that could actually happen and stuff that would never happen in a million years. A strange combination of people I see in my day to day life and famous people. Somehow all existing on the same plane in the areas that I frequent on a relatively regular basis. Which just wouldn’t make any sense.

None of it really makes any sense.

At all.

And what is even weirder is that I can remember them really vividly for hours after I’ve woken up. I can still remember the craziness that went down last Saturday’s dream. The one that I had last night was just bizarre. They’ve all been very weird.

Also they’ve all been weirdly draining.

They feel like they’ve kept me awake even while I’ve been asleep. I’ve been very active in my dreams. There’s been a lot of walking involved. And a sometimes there was some crime solving going on, and like the news featured heavily. But  never any good news or anything, it was like an amplified version of the shittiness that happens in reality. Which is a lot. And also because it exists in the weird contained world of a dream it was just very intense.

It also means that waking up is fucking strange. And hard. And annoying. And hard.

I used to be low key annoyed that I didn’t seem to dream all that much but now that the dreams seems to be sticking around I think I would take the dreamless sleeping. At least it feels like I’m getting a rest…

Love,Main sign off

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Letters to Autumn 19

Letters to Autumn 19

Dear Autumn,

I lifted weights today for the first time in two weeks. And yes this marks my second post this week, but also I’ve been away for a while, this shit was inevitable.

Anyway, back to the weights thing.

I lifted them for the first time in two weeks. And it was the first time I did the full new Lift release. I forgot how with the first couple of attempts at the new release it always feels like I’ve never lifted anything before in my damn life.

Also I did a condensed version of it 2 weeks ago and I’m pretty sure there was a track in that that should be in this release but it was cut for time and so the track was missing. The track missing is hell. I’m doing this release again on Sunday, I’m scared.

It’s not real fear. But still, low key scared.

I didn’t even go all that heavy with the weights. I literally had to tell myself all day that I wouldn’t go above 15kg (which I know isn’t heavy in the grander scheme of weight training, but TUT. 15kg time under tension is fucking heavy). I remain surprised that I actually stuck to that mantra I had been telling myself all day. I probably should have gone lighter. 15 felt like a lot. In theory I should be going 20kg on Sunday, I really don’t know if I’m getting through that squat track with that weight yet…

Also tonight I was reminded again of how long my damn limbs are. I can’t ass to grass a squat and get back up in time to the music. Nor can I do a full range lunge at that speed. Or at least I can’t right now.

Give me a couple of weeks and I can probably get there.

This new release also has reminded me that skull crushers are not my friend. My wrist hates them. It can handle most shit, but it cannot be flexed at that angle for some reason. It’s fine when I’m in front rack for the most part but I have to do that damn skull crusher it just will not cooperate and so I’m probably gonna have to declare that as a version of an injury…

My muscles were shaking for far longer than they usually do. It usually lasts like 5 minutes. Tonight it lasted until I sat down 25 minutes later. It was a lot.

I can also already feel my muscles starting to DOM up, so tomorrow will be interesting.

Also my abs are on fucking fire, they’ve not had to be that engaged in a while and so those abs tracks this week have been a real killer and it hurts to laugh.


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Letters to Autumn 18

Letters to Autumn 18

Dear Autumn,

I came home from work today and randomly became a woman on a mission as I was just putting my dinner in the fridge. I found myself opening all the drawers in there and double checking what was on the shelves and binning everything that looked dodgy. No remorse.

I then moved on to the fruit and veg bowl and cut a whole ton of shit from there. And in my head I thought I would stop there.

But no.

I went into the cleaning supplies cupboard and pulled out the stove top cleaner. I left that to do it’s thing and then cleaned the bread bin and put all the stuff on the dryer away. I cleaned the countertops, took the bin out, scrubbed at the stove top. A lot. Then did all the stray bits of washing up. I threw the tea towels in circulation out into the wash. I collected all the recycling up.

The kitchen now looks all shiny and shit and my hands kind of smell like washing up liquid.

I truly don’t even know what the hell came over me, but I got home and was just overcome with this urge to tidy the kitchen up a bit.

It didn’t even really take that long. I was done in 40 minutes. I was blasting Camila Cabello and having a mini dance party with it all. My kitchen isn’t really that big. And also, I’m gonna be honest, I’ve not even really used it that much this week…It’s mostly been a room I walk through to get to the bathroom or to grab a plate or just bung something in the oven and then leave it to just do it’s thing. So the fact that I felt possessed to do it at all is very bizarre to me.

It also totally scuppered with my plans to just get home and fall flat onto my sofa. I’d been feeling like I just wanted to lie and doing nothing for the entire I felt so worn out, but no, I pulled some energy from somewhere (the somewhere was Nurofen, it got rid of my cramps that had been fucking with me for a lot of the afternoon).

So I’m doing that now, just sitting on my sofa not doing a lot. It feels good.

Love,Main sign off

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Letters to Autumn 17

Letters to Autumn 17

Dear Autumn,

This post is even later than my late post because I prioritised eating alll the carbs instead of writing this up to get it on time. Curly fries need to be enjoyed in the moment and without worry about putting words on a page.

It finally felt like today I had settled back in to my usual routine. And with that usual routine came my Wednesday night boxing class. Which was my first straight up cardio session in 10 days. On day 2 of my period. So the whole 45 minutes was a lot.

I knew within the warm up that it was going to be a slightly higher hill to climb than normal because my lower back is always low key problematic when I’m on. Those high knees nearly did me in. And then the squats nearly did me in. And the kicks. And the burpees. Listen it was just hard.

It’s always hard, but when you do it every week it gets a little bit easier to get through, especially when you do other cardio bits and pieces as well. But I’ve done fuck all for 9 days except eat and sleep and just lie around doing nothing. Don’t get me wrong I walked and stuff, but that was as intense as it got. I was so lazy, I cut my intended Saturday workout the weekend just gone because I wanted another day to be lazy (also I worked late on Friday and was working early on Sunday, it was my final attempt to get a true lie in).

I did a workout yesterday, but it was way more chill than today. I use the term chill so loosely, it’s TUT, it burns. I left the class yesterday and my abs were quaking and on fire. They had done no real work except keeping me upright on a train so I didn’t have to hold a pole. So the shock to my system tonight wasn’t a total shock.

But it was still a lot. I don’t know if I’ve said that enough yet. It was hard. I legit nearly threw up twice. I let out a lot of potential pent up anger out in my punches, the body shot it a real great one. My wrists held out on my in the push ups and burpees. I got through it. There were several times when I wanted to just give up, but I didn’t.

And I felt soooo good once it was done and I was chugging a protein shake. Plus I also got really excited for all the food I was gonna eat. I’ve burned over 1,000 active calories today and to reflect that I went in on all the carbs with my dinner and some Jaffa cakes while watching Masterchef Australia.

Tomorrow’s rest day will be bliss. And will also involve some foam rolling, less bliss but most definitely required.


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