My Life


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There comes a time when all of a sudden you hear a song that you have a great familiarity with for the millionth time in a whole new light and it changes your view on everything. It makes you wonder how you never heard the song like before. It alters your very relationship with that song irrevocably.

This happened to me on the 30th June at around 10pm. I was sat watching Jeremy Jordan totally crush it and crossing something that was unknowingly on my bucket list until I bought the tickets off. The opening notes to his combined version of Santa Fe (which I am pretty sure at some point I have included in a playlist) started and by the time he reached ‘where does it say that you gotta live and die here?’ my relationship with the song had been changed for good (let’s not go into the epiphany that I had with that song one day that led me cry for a good 10 minutes a few years ago).

I don’t know exactly what it was (and I am aware that we are now nearly in mid-August) that caused this. Maybe it was because at the time I was on day 2 of some rare time off work (which is my own doing I am very aware of) and I had just had time to myself to reflect on…well life. In my head it felt like there were some puzzle pieces a settling into place. They haven’t formed a full picture by any means yet, but it felt like something settled.

I mean this happens with a lot of songs. Defying Gravity for example is a definite one for me. Recently I’m Here from the The Colour Purple really fucked me up good and also gave me some kind of kick up the butt to stop being so fucking hard on myself. It’s not working, I’m still too hard on myself and I’m still way too far in my own head all the time, but whenever I need to just kick myself out of that, even if it’s only for the duration of the song, I just click play and it is done. There a few Beyoncé songs that have the power to make me feel like a total bad ass or mad at a boyfriend I don’t even have.

There are some songs that I can sit on for ages, and by ages I mean actual years, and then a lightbulb goes off and they become staples that I go back to when they are most needed. They are reliable and welcoming in a way that only music seems to be. My days right now seem to be me seeing new songs in a totally new light and having several epiphanies that make music so worth it.

Basically, behind literature, music is like the the most important thing to me. Ever.

Parentheses count: 4. See you at the weekend!

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