First things first know that it gets easier. If you take nothing else from this, take that.
It’s hard but you learn that being on your own isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you. And you’re not alone, not really, know that just around the corner there are people out there that will make you question why you thought the scraps of friendship that were thrown your way were enough.
Know that one chance encounter changes everything. Don’t shy from it even though you want to, it’s worth it. You get a best friend out of it who is one of the greatest people you will ever meet. And answer the phone when it rings and wakes you up one day in July, because it’s the game changer. It leads to summer adventures, sleepovers, Liverpool visits (because yes, you pull the courage from somewhere to actually leave the bubble that it is London, never belittle that as an achievement, no matter how hard it gets), an American adventure, random texts, conversations that easily start at 2am and so much more.
You get what you want for uni and it floors you every time you think about. Don’t question it. Don’t feel guilty, don’t you dare let anyone make you feel guilty, even for a second. You are worth it, you worked hard for it. You have to grow somehow, this is your chance. And gosh do you grow. It’s done by the road less travelled by and it lets A LOT of self-doubt creep into your every thought, but you get past it. You make it to the other side, and yes you will falter and you will hate yourself for it all over again, but it’s that second wave of self-annoyance that makes you realise just how far you’ve come.
You are not a bad person for cutting people out of your life. It’s your life and it turns out that some of those people were toxic for you. If they make you feel insignificant or insecure they are not worth it. You deserve people who will let you be you, stop trying to be something you’re not and accept your introverted nature, the people that really matter won’t care. You learn who you true friends are and again, yeah, things get easier.
Stop with the little white lies (unless it’s the song, oh yeah that happens, and the great thing is you don’t care and it’s the best feeling ever when you realise that’s the case). They may seem harmless but they aren’t worth it in the end. You are lying your way to a version of you that doesn’t exist to try and make yourself seem interesting or worth knowing. You are more than enough just as you are and there are people out there who appreciate that.
Getting over your fear of failing doesn’t stop completely, in fact it might not ever go away, but you do get better at dealing with it and putting yourself out there. In some instances you even enjoy it.
Stop comparing yourself to others, you get nothing out of it. So stop, I mean it.
Take better care of your skin. But also know that it clears the hell up and you feel less hideous. Don’t shy away from heels either, screw it is a good attitude to take. Stop fearing your height, it’s great (and so are those thighs that you can’t stand).
That decision you make for us to start drinking at least 1.5 litres of water was a good one. In fact it is one of the few things that you take through with you over the coming years.
You do know how to cook, you may not be that creative with it for a while, but you can sustain yourself and eventually other people and you do it fine (one day you even try to bake and that doesn’t suck).
You love learning, so don’t ever stop doing that. It’s the education system that you fall out love with, not the learning itself.
Read more. It slows down for some reason, but when you do it, you remember why you love it, so do it more.
Yes, you watch too many TV shows, but don’t stop because some good ones are coming. Great ones even. Ones that make you feel something and cause unexpected reactions and inspire you. Don’t shy away from anything that inspires you. You need it.
Oh yeah, coffee? In your future, accept it. You’ll love it, I know that seems hard to believe, but trust me.
You are beautiful and you are loved. And more importantly than that, on the whole you are happy. Which I know sounds crazy, but it’s true. You get there. I promise you, it gets easier and it feels a bit like freedom.
Wait for it.
Love from Me at 22.
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