My love affair with sleep is on the rocks again. We can live together in perfect harmony got months. where withing minutes of my head nestling onto my pillow and my duvet is swaddled around me I am off in the land of make believe (or just, you know, not awake anymore) and I can remain as such until the (mildly annoying at this point ) tones of my alarm break the silence of my sleep haven.
They are the somewhat well rested times The ones where my first thought isn’t “how soon can I get a vat of coffee injected into my system”, but rather “maybe I’ll have a coffee at some point today”. I don’t spend a large portion of my day counting how many hours of sleep I got and whether I can do better that night. Sleep and I are best friends.
Until we’re not.
Until it reminds me that I am a nocturnal person by nature who likes to accidentally catch the sun making its ascent into the sky. Until it reminds me that a 3am bedtime is much more my lane then my new, earlier one. Where the duvet seems stifling and uncomfortable. The light from my phone as it charges away becomes much more appealing. Creating lists in my head of nothing of any really importance is deemed a much better use of the precious 8 hours of my day that I have allocated to sleep. Lying in my bed in the dark makes me restless (and hungry) and I know that sleep and I are entering into a constant battle where I will always lose.
I’m fighting that battle again in time with your arrival Autumn. Nights are passing in a hot restless mess that culminates in a noise that my ears are not prepared for. The dedicated 8 hours has slowly been whittled down to 5. Mornings seem harsher, movements slower.
Tiredness has become my autumnal default for several years now, so I don’t know why I’m so surprised by this. I’m used to the darker circles you always leave me with. I’m used to closing my eyes and sleep not taking over. Over analysing instead of sleeping is a norm I am more than well acquainted with. And yawning? Well I’ve mastered the art of covering that up too. Even so I find myself welcoming the change because it means you have returned to me…
Doesn’t mean I don’t miss when sleep and I were thick as thieves.
(Parentheses count: 4)
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