I am really good at accidentally losing an entire evening. Or just time in general.
I can look away from a clock at one time (obviously) and then when I look back suddenly it’s several hours later and I have just lost a chunk of time doing nothing in particular. It’s seems like it’s been wasted.
I say this because this happens to me more often than not when I get home from work. I sit on my sofa with my laptop open and tell myself I am gonna do something, usually its write a blog post, and then I get to 9 and I haven’t done anything even close to typing up a post.
Sometimes it becomes this weird guilt thing. Like because I’m not using all the time that I have available to me to the best of it’s ability at all times I’m just sort of floating and being wasteful or something kinda precious. Yesterday I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I remembered that it was Tuesday and not Wednesday as otherwise I would have just lost an entire day and not even realised. Because that’s all this time that I could have been doing something with that wasn’t just existing on the internet.
I mean I get that sometimes doing nothing is great. It’s the best. My Sunday’s consist of doing mostly nothing. But that’s the key part mostly. I still have to be doing something. Finally figuring out that thing that has been in my head for a while, finishing a book, catching up on blog reading, replying to emails, crossing things off that metal to do list (yep, still not putting them down onto paper yet) and all those other little things that I could be doing that isn’t just sitting there. And existing but not really doing much else.
I wrote this letter in a flurry of needing to spend my time more wisely than finding out just how far the endless scroll will go on Tumblr, but after this I am probably gonna somehow blink and it be time for me to think about going to bed even though I know I should make my characters fleshed out beings for my Nano novel (Sunday…shiiiiittttt).
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