I’m getting a weird sense of deja vu here. I’ve definitely done this before although since the last time 18 months has passed.
So what knowledge would I ‘impart’ on you that I didn’t 18 months ago? What ‘wisdom’ have I developed since I last wrote a letter like this to you, my younger self.
The honest answer is that it doesn’t seem like a lot has changed. And yet it also feels like everything has. It feels a little but like you’re stuck or something. Like there is a thick sheet of glass between two areas of your life that you just can’t seem to crack and shatter into tiny little shards and walk through. Of course it’s a feeling that seems all too familiar, probably not to you because the first time this happened hasn’t happened to you yet. But it will. It will leave you feeling a bit like you’re stranded at sea for a while though. So maybe I can tell you quite confidently that now you’re just a stronger swimmer and can move with the tide a bit better (I mean this metaphorically speaking, as a side note, you’ve lost some of your being a fucking great swimmer capabilities due to not doing it for over a decade. Don’t worry, I’m working on getting that back).
To be honest I’m sure none of this is really not surprising given that we’ve always been very well aware of our own limitations and have always had to fight back against listening to them. Oddly, or terrifyingly I guess depending on how you look at it, you are much better at dealing with the fighting back than I am. Ageing hasn’t made it easier, the ‘fearlessness’ usually associated with the young abandoned you the moment you became an adult in the eyes of the law. Sorry about that.
What else has changed in the last 18 months? I’ve entered the land of the employed now. I mean that happened 13 months ago so it almost seems like it happened in another lifetime, but it didn’t/
It’s fine. For the most part. But honestly, the days when it isn’t are manageable because suckishly for you worse days proceed them. Just knowing how to breathe through it and actually eventually how to take a step the fuck back is a life lesson well learned. Use it. Seriously. Don’t ever stop using it. It’s a lifesaver.
Unsurprisingly train commutes are great time to get shit done. Read, write, people watch. Just use the time wisely. It’s an hour a day and really it’s boring as hell when you just sit there and do nothing. Seriously so boring. Even when you’re tired, just do something so that the time isn’t wasted, you’re good enough at doing that already without doing so during almost the only time that you have no other distractions.
Oh, oh, oh, here’s something that you probably never saw coming and nor did I until for some reason I dragged my hungover self there and actually finally committed to joining a gym. That for some reason opens up this whole new thing. Just as a note, learn to say no to buying alllll the gym gear because you do not need that many clothes, you already have too many. And also it seems that this is the way that you try new things is to do it via exercise, your upper body strength isn’t actually awful. Congrats on that.
And well, they are pretty much the only really big differences that have happened since the last letter. Just keep going, keep breathing.
You got this.