I got your wedding invitation today.
I always thought it would be my name next to yours when those kind of invitations got sent out. But it wasn’t. Something wasn’t right with me I guess. Something didn’t gel with you the way that it did with me. That right spark just didn’t seem to be there.
It felt like it was there though. For me at least. When we talked about our future I thought that it would always mean that we talking about a future that we would be together and that, yeah, we would be the ones to get married. We would be the ones to buy a house together and start a family and all that stuff. I assumed all those things and then you went and proved me wrong.
I used to like how you would surprise me. But then you went and did that. You went and crushed the life that I thought we were building together and left me all confused. You went and moved on within months and then brought it up around all of our friends. It’s like you forgot that there would be a crossover. It’s like you forgot that we shared friends and that we would inevitably see each other again. It’s like you forgot that we had built a version of a life together for over a decade.
It’s like you didn’t even think.
Which I guess you’ve done again with this.
This piece of paper.
It’s just a piece of paper and yet opening it ripped open a wound that apparently had never fully scabbed over and formed a scar for me to wear forever more.
It’s a choice few words that pulled at a thread that I thought had been cut clean and yet it unravelled something in me completely.
It’s just telling me that you are getting married.
To somebody else.
And for some reason you thought I would want to know this. For some reason you thought that I would want to go.
I’m not stupid enough to think that I was never going to find out about your upcoming nuptials, but it never occurred to me that you would think it was a good idea to actually send me an invite.
Did you have a discussion about it? Did you think it was a bad idea because of our history? Did he champion it because you need to show the whole world, or at least the world of our friends, that we are all just so super okay now and this would be the perfect time to demonstrate that? Did you just send them all out on impulse and because I’m in the group chat obviously I would want an invite your wedding? What happened there?
Were you just think about yourself again and my feelings be damned? Because that sounds like you. For all the thoughts that I have had about this that seems the most likely. You just weren’t thinking about yet again. Why that surprises me anymore I honestly do not know, but it does. In some capacity it still surprises me.
I wish it didn’t, but there you go. You will always have a hold over me it seems.
So, I got your wedding invitation today.
And after I cried, I set it on fire and tried to burn all attachments to you in my mind whilst watching the white piece of paper curl in on itself and turn to ash.
Find me here: