To heights, I’ve decided that it’s time to stop fearing you because it’s starting to become slightly inconvenient. I can’t cross bridges without feeling like I am going to descend into a panic attack and that is just not helpful for my life. It never has been, but I’ve finally decided that enough is enough. That one has probably taken too long actually now that I think about it. But if I let this one go then I can get on a plane. Or look out of a window higher than the first floor and not feel faint. To be able to experience the high and adrenaline rush of a rollercoaster. I still might not like it but at least I will know then and don’t have to blame it all on heights.
To spiders, it’s probably time that I didn’t fear you so much anymore. September brings you out more than ever and I like the change of the season too much to let you ruin my enjoyment of it anymore. And honestly, most of the time you aren’t even doing much. You’re just clinging to a wall or weaving a web and honestly it’s not that big a deal. You’re usually pretty chill, just waiting for something to be unlucky enough to get stuff in your web. I mean, sure you then disappear and then that is kind of terrifying. But I guess I can just learn to make my peace with that little fact so that I can carry on with my enjoyment of Autumn without the occasional squeal and quick escape from a room until I am totally assured that it is several feet away from me.
To small spaces, I don’t necessarily think that I will ever be fully accepting of you because I feel like you are rooted in a real, shared, fear that although unlikely to happen is still something that weirdly always seems to be playing on the mind. Getting into a lift will probably always fill me with some sense of apprehension because if it stops and I get stuck I am partly convinced that the walls will start to close in and I will be crushed to death and then be put into another enclosed space. That I may or may not wake up in and then I’ll suffocate to death in my own coffin in a terrible twist of fate. So, yeah, I may not ever get over that one completely, but I will strive to be less terrified of them as a mere notion and to stop reading stories about people being buried alive and the people around them maybe never finding out. That does nothing for the fear and I need to try and make it dormant.
To slugs, I don’t know why I fear you but I do. And it’s weird. I should really just let it go. They pretty much don’t exist except for when it rains. That one should be pretty easy to let go. I hope.
There are probably plenty others. In fact there are definitely others, but they seem like the big ones. The ones that everyone secretly has. The ones that you can’t really let go because they are sort of needed as a reminder for something. To live I guess. But the other ones that have been acquired somehow can probably all be let go somehow.
So I’m going to start small. Let go of the things that I don’t really need to hold onto.
Starting with my fear of snakes…
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