Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn: The 2016 Edition 11

Dear Autumn,

Time management skills are something that have over time appeared to escape me. Now don’t get me wrong, they were never really all that good to begin with, something to do with the fact that I keep all the things that I need to do in my head as opposed to writing it down and actually holding myself accountable for things (still on that mental to do list is to actually take this whole bullet journal thing more seriously, I have it half set up but yet it’s still not a thing I am taking 100% seriously.) but recently they seem to have reached another level of bad.

I keep blaming it on the fact that I’m tired and hay I have things that I need to do and I’ve started doing this thing recently where I work out on a semi regular basis and that takes up time and throws my evening off in some way because I suddenly have less time between getting home and starting to think about going to bed, but the truth is the hours that I do have to spare in the evening are spent doing fuck knows what, but somehow it’s nearly midnight and I’m like shit I’ve got to repeat this again tomorrow and it will probably go down the exact same except I’ve got a cardio barre class and not a spinning one to haul my ass through at the end of the work day.

Because I go into the day thinking new day, new start and I need to get x y and z done by the end of the day so I cross it off my mental to do list, but then I inevitably tell myself that I’m too tired for that thing I said I was going to do so I’ll put it off until tomorrow. Repeat to fade.

Or alternatively I go into a day thinking it’s going to be a pretty quiet one and then all of a sudden I am hit by the realisation that I have a shit ton of things to do that my mental to do list failed to mention to me and then I feel like I’m playing catch up all day.

And that feeling could be avoided completely if I just took like 5 minutes out of my day to just sit there, look at what I need to do and the order in which it should probably be done and then move through accordingly. Which is why I need to get on this fucking bullet journal thing because that would eliminate 90% of the issue and I would reduce my stress related anxiety by about half.

But then I start to get anxious about the fact that I am effectively just scheduling all of my time and what the hell is fun about that? And ya know like I need my free time to just get on with my guilt free binge watching (which reminds I am gonna need to finally finish Chuck because rumour has it that’s getting taken off and if that’s already happened…well apparently I’m destined to never see how it ends) and to actually schedule in free time sounds fucking ludicrous and the exact opposite of what free time should be.

And so I just do nothing. All my time is spent in this weird blob that’s partially dictated by my job, which to be honest is some much needed structure, but for the most part is just me trying to catch up with my mental to do list and failing because I’ve not done a very good job of managing my time correctly.

You’d think after all these years of having this blasé attitude to time management and having it bite me in the ass more times than I can count that I would’ve gotten this together by now. You’d be wrong. I’m a well educated idiot.

Who is finally going to get her shit together and become someone who manages her time well (and who ignores the irony of the fact that this post is late because I didn’t get my shit together and write it in my lunch break like I was going to because somehow it got away from me and I was debating how much English mustard is too much in a sandwich.)

Love,

 

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