Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn: The 2016 Edition 17

Dear Autumn,

For the third consecutive work day I got home before 7. In the grand scheme of things that doesn’t really sound like much and to be honest it isn’t. It basically just means that I have an extra hour to myself in my house, slobbing out on my sofa and not at the gym, or on a train or being social. Basically I just get to go back to my happy place for an extra hour. My happy place being indoors and largely away from other people.

It soothes the introvert in me.

I mean the introvert in me is never far away because it permeates each and every single cell of my body, but knowing that I don’t have to be around other people and in some form of social situation after being in several social situations all day just soothes my soul. Other than the obvious excuses for not going to the gym, the main excuse I can give myself each and every single time is that I just don’t want to be psuedo social. I just sometimes do not have it in me. I mean I have gotten better at no longer using that as an excuse for not doing something because I honestly cannot continue to live my life that, which I have already done before and well…that didn’t really help my mental state all that much.

This extra hour at home doesn’t even necessarily mean anything, but it gives the illusion of some extra time of productivity. And I think that is why I relish in managing to make it home before 7. It just gives me an extra hour of me time. I can do that thing where I just randomly faff about before I start cooking my dinner, or getting some writing/editing/reading (usually the former). I can watch a half hour of mindless telly. I can browse ASOS for a little bit. I can spend a bit of time bothering my dog (aka, showering him with love that he will just walk the hell away from). And then when I go to look at the time it is not somehow already 10pm, it’s actually only 7:30pm and I still have time to be get some stuff done.

This definitely links back to my lack of time management skills these days, but sometimes I just need that transition from one thing to another and milling around doing almost nothing is the best way to do that. But if I’ve done something after work that transition period some gets knocked back to be later and then time escapes me and I have to rinse and repeat and that eventually exhausts me. And then I start coveting just retreating back to my cave and not emerging until completely necessary and then doing that makes me feel bad because like I should be doing stuff right…?

It’s a bit of a seesaw. One that I have almost got balanced perfectly. I do the whole being a social person thing and then I do the whole do not disturb thing to even it all out. And for now it seems to be working. Dare I say I seem to be able to do the being a social person thing a bit more than I used to be able to and that isn’t a thing I would have thought possible at the beginning of this year.

So, the introvert in me has been satiated recently and I’m building up some reserves for when I need to be social again.

Wrist update before I sign off for the day: It’s mostly fine now. I almost have full mobility of it again, pain is minimal but I still can’t put a ton of weight on it because it doesn’t like that yet. I was also able to hold a pen which was useful given what I do for a living. So I’m still gonna give it a little icing session later and continue to take it a bit easy with things (ie, no heavy lifting, which yeah can come quite a bit in my day to day life). (And also, I have a great excuse right now for not going to the gym…because if you can’t take weight on one of your wrists what can you really do…?)

Love,

 

 

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