Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn: The 2016 Edition 22

Dear Autumn,

I got a new lowkey obsession this week.

Now, I am an insomniac about 85% of the time and the 15% of the time that I am not is during this time of the year usually and that seems to just be what it is.

Anyway this week my Fitbit finally arrived and as such I’ve ended up with a record of my sleep schedule. And currently this week I am mostly sleeping for 7 hours a night…I mean what? This is like a revelation to me.

I mean I’m barely making 7 hours and for one night I did sleep for 5 hours (Saturday night into Sunday morning was rough) and then another it was barely 6, but it falls in that magic recommended zone that people insist on telling me every time I am like ‘oh I just didn’t sleep well’ like I don’t already know what it is. But on the most part I’m like doing it and no longer waking up about a decade before my alarm goes off. In fact getting out of bed each morning is becoming more and more of a struggle because somehow I am burrowing further under my duvet each night and get into some kind of battle with it every time I need to switch my alarm off. Somehow, the fact that I am achieving that feels like some kind of miracle.

It also means that for some reason it sets my day up kind of well? Like I feel like I have some aspect of my life together because I got 7 hours of sleep…I just sort of don’t feel like I am a zombie passing through life in a series of yawns and the want to just take a little power nap in the toilet. It seems like the weirdest thing ever to me…I am fully aware that the fact that actually sleeping seems alien to me is not the healthiest thing (again I don’t need other people telling me that, I’m not an idiot) but it’s where I’m at with life right now.

In a place when on my walk to the station I compulsively check an app to see what the precise number is and how many times I was ‘restless’ during the night (not necessarily as bad as I thought) and if at any point I was awake during the night and at what time I actually fell asleep (never before midnight). I tend to ignore what time it says I wake up because it’s always just out and I literally wake up at the same time 5 days a week. But I keep checking it, and then comparing it to other nights. And yeah, I’m lowkey obsessed.

That’s it. Last year it was the Hamilton soundtrack, this year it’s a sleep tracker. I get obsessed with things in October as well it would appear, in keeping with the fact that my life also works on some kind of yearly cycle.

Love,

 

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