Letters to Autumn: The 2016 Edition 25

Dear Autumn,

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since I did any exercise more strenuous than a walk. I did a hot yoga class for the first time and then accidentally tapped out. It’s weird because I almost miss it. Which is not something that I ever thought would be the case at the beginning of the calendar year. I mean I thought about it as a passing thought and almost attributed the word ‘resolution’ to it before I remembered that I refuse to buy into that whole ‘new year, new you’ thing.

Ironically I made the decision to join a gym and give a shit and find out what the exercise hype thing is all about while I was hungover as hell and about to exist solely on chocolate because it was Easter weekend. It came mainly from a desperate attempt to try and fix the madness that was going on in my head and try to fix the whole insomniac thing and exercise is apparently supposed to help that. I can tell you that on the most part it doesn’t help me at all. I mean it helps a little bit, but not really.

But another thing that has happened is that I started trying new things via exercise, like a hot yoga class that I didn’t hate. In fact I actually really enjoyed it and want to do it again. In fact yoga as a whole has been a massive help, and I knew that it would have the potential to do that because well I did a lot of research in a vain attempt to try and calm the anxiety back at uni and the thought of actually trying something new at the time was in and of itself anxiety inducing and that seemed counter productive, but I kind of got over that. Ish.

I mean I still get the anxiety but at this point I just sort of deal with it cos it’s life. But pushing myself out of my comfort zone is actually proving somewhat rewarding. And is also teaching me that I have very poor upper body strength. Honestly, please don’t ask me to do even one full push up because I can’t. Hold a plank for almost a solid minute, no problem, a push up? Leave me in the corner to cry. Also, and on some level I know this, it has taught me that I am basically all leg. That yoga pose where people hold their legs out straight in from of them and can still hold onto their toes? Yeah total pipe dream for me, my arms don’t accommodate these legs of mine. Oh, oh, oh, it’s also taught me that for some reason standing climbs, or just standing in general, on a stationary bike in a spin class is way easier for me than doing anything that involves me being sat in the saddle. I don’t know what it is, but I do know that it is the case (she’s says sat on her sofa post spin-class with burning thighs courtesy of standing climbs).

I’ve done boxing which is a great way to just get rid of stress and also just felt really satisfying. I’ve done a barre class which was deceptively difficult it turned out and also highlighted to me yet again that I am not really all that flexible and my legs are my own worst enemy. I’ve branched out into Pilates and Circuit Training and HIIT training. I’ve done that one hot yoga class that I’ve already mentioned and I do regular spin classes. I finally got back into swimming which has been just great and I can feel myself getting better at that every time I swim up and down the pool. I’ve confirmed to myself that running really is not that thing, I hate it.

And I keep looking to try new things as well. I actually like trying new thingsIt’s a development that I never really saw coming to be honest. My biggest purchasing problem at the beginning of the year was books and boots (and it still is, don’t get me wrong) and now it also includes a sports leggings issues. And a sports bra one. And to be honest I own more of those two than I do tops which is slightly problematic and something I should maybe rectify. But I also really shouldn’t. It’s become something that I actually invest in and not just because of some thought niggling in the back of my head that is telling me that I should, but because I actually want to.

It’s actually kinda nice to not hate my body and to feel it get stronger and to actually know that it is capable of so much more than I ever gave it credit for. It’s just nice. It’s taken me a while to get to this point and I was about 65% of the way there before the year started, but watching it getting slightly more toned and stronger and better at sustaining certain forms of exercise (I don’t want to keep doing push ups to get better at them, even though I know I should. Sue me, it sucks) so I can say now that I am about 85% of the way there.

And that’s pretty fucking great.

Now I’m gonna eat my dinner, silently complain about the fact that I ache almost everywhere and gently curse myself for signing up for a Reformer Pilates class tomorrow after work because one I hurt, two the Bake Off final is tomorrow and I’m gonna have to watch it on delay and three because it will be 3 for 3 for the week so far and I’ll still have one more left to do.

Until tomorrow Autumn.

Love,

 

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