My Life

Hope and Prepare

Hi, Hey, Hello!

So, it’s a new week and I’m trying to hold out hope for this one that it will be better than last week. Which leads me on nicely to the theme of today’s post:

Do you look for the best in a situation or prepare for the worst?

The answer in a nutshell is that I just default to looking at the worst case scenario. That’s it. I don’t ever really think about the potential good that might come out of something, or how maybe it won’t be as bad as it appears. I am almost physically incapable of just thinking that the end is nigh and I should just get into a brace position about it all.

It’s a little bit of a nightmare to be honest.

Honestly the second I get even a hint of something reaching some kind of crossroads I instantly just travel down the road fraught with turmoil and start to spiral quite significantly and it all goes a bit wrong.  And then I can’t even really get prepared for the outcome because the outcomes I come up with usually have very little chance of ever actually being the way that the situation is going to pan out.

Seriously, I have gone so worse case scenario that it is just about too ridiculous to happen in reality. In the world of fiction it would probably be just fine, but in actual life it would be ridiculous.

Basically my own imagination is my worst enemy. Like honestly the worst. It conjures up these images and then gets in touch with my friend anxiety and presents them as truth and then everything gets a bit nauseating. And just generally overall a nightmare to deal with. I mean I can deal with it, I always have and always will.

But the whole bloody thing is made all the more ridiculous by the fact that there remains a small part of me that will always hope for the better outcome. It’s just buried somewhere deeply underneath all the shit. I use the rational part of my brain to reassure myself that I have dealt with the situation as best as I can and that it is never going to really be the end of the world and it is almost always fixable in some way. Trust me I think it, I visualise it, I actively and rationally go through the all the steps to try and make the best of the situation but you can bet your bottom dollar that I am still going to over analyse and over think about all the ways that it could still go wrong. I’m gonna somehow think of ways in which the way that I rectified the situation will go wrong and then that sets off a whole new thing and the cycle somehow repeats itself.

This weird contradiction of being mildly hopeful that everything will be fine but starting to prepare yourself for shit to really hit the fan. And the even funnier thing (it’s not really all that funny to be honest) is that if the shit really did hit the fan then I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. At all. In the same way I never really deal with it in the first place, if the actual worse case scenario were to happen I would just sort of then think about the ways that the worse case scenario can somehow get worse. Rinse and repeat.

It’s not always that bad. Honestly, about 60% of the time it’s actually fine. I can see things rationally and look for the good in a situation with only a passing glance at the negative. I’m not in that place right now.

So basically my outlook and answer to that question is currently a small part of me hopes for the best in a situation, but my brain is working overtime and semi preparing for the worst. So, yeah.

Hope and prepare.

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!

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