Creative Writing, My Writing, writing

Sorry Not Sorry

I’m kind of done.

Just all in all kind of done.

Not even kind of. It’s outright.

I’m done.

It’s getting exhausting. Trying. Actively trying. Putting on some kind of facade. It’s exhausting. And I am done.

It feels like I have lifted a weight off my shoulders. A weight that I didn’t even know was pressing down heavily on the juncture of my neck to the rest of my body. Leaving this strong line of tension just propping my entire body up and letting me pass from day to day. 

But it’s gone now. Dissipated and with it my shoulders have dropped and I actually appear to have a neck these days. Who knew. With this new found neck I’ve also lost the migraines. That’s almost revolutionary for me. I wasn’t even aware that I was a shell of a person because the migraines took so much out of me until they were magically gone. I have energy now. Who would have thought that was possible? I can actually be out in the daylight and not have it agitate all fibres of my being.  I can make sharp movements unexpectedly and not have to lie down for about an hour afterwards. I can actually use my laptop for longer than 5 minutes, and read a book. Turn on a light in my living room once the world outside the window has gone dark. 

With the lack of migraines I now also have something that I think other people call energy. I want to do things now. Be social. See people. Not start to panic about all the things that being out in the world can mean. I can breathe a bit easier. Crowds can’t intimidate me. I don’t second guess myself so much. I don’t worry about everything for years on end after a moment has passed. I don’t think about everything now. Or more accurately overthink everything. I can just sort of be. 

And being is something that I never even thought was possible. 

There will be people who will object to the way that I am now choosing to live my life and I can see where they are coming from. I really can. It’s quite a change I can see that. It’s gonna take some getting used to I know that. Even I am gonna have to get used to it to an extent. But it’s the way things are going now.

I am just done with being what everyone wants me to be. 

I’m done.

And I’m not sorry about it.

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