Letters to Spring 4

Dear Spring,

I hate not finishing books. It’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. I hate it. I need to know how things end, even though I have a complicated relationship with endings, I just need to know. It’s the reason that I won’t fucking quit with Moby Dick. That book is like pulling teeth with anaesthesia, I have hit the same wall each time I have attempted to read the book (which is twice) and getting to that point was a long hard struggle both times, and I knowI hate it. I know it isn’t my type of book. I know that I cannot stand Melville’s style of writing. I know that I don’t give two shits about the whaling industry and this massive white whale. I know I don’t care about the metaphors and the symbolism and all that jazz. I know I don’t care.

And yet, I know I need to finish the damn book. I just need it done. I need it crossed off that list. I need to finally be able to say that I have read it. I just do. I can’t leave it unfinished.

Because I hate not finishing books.

There is a point to this.

I’m currently close to pulling the plug on a book. So close. There is only so many times I can roll my eyes at something before I start to get an eye strain. There is only so many times that I can bury my head in the pages in total disbelief because…‘why are these characters so stupid?’ There is only so many times that I can scoff at a whole interaction between two characters because no one talks like that in the real world. I don’t quite think I can manage just continually questioning most choices made by the author.

I’ve gone from hopeful optimism that I can just get through it to wondering if that it is actually even possible because currently it just feels like an uphill battle. I mean I’m getting through it, at a surprisingly quick rate given all my issues with them, but I can’t figure out if it’s worth it…

The thing is, one I hate not finishing books but two, there is a part of me that feels like I need to read them because I need to read them to finish formulating my opinion. I can’t have a half formed opinion that is partly based in lack of knowledge. I need to have all the facts before I do that. And I have that within my power if I just keep on plodding my way through the damn book.

Which is what I’m doing.

It’s a struggle, and I know it’s a tad stupid, but that’s what I’m doing.

Love,

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