letters to spring

Letters to Spring 5

Dear Spring,

Yesterday somebody told me they were impressed by how nothing seems to phase me and it all seems like ‘water off a duck’s back’ and I just shrugged it off (this was after I was told that I was giving Sandy at the end of Grease vibes to which I responded ‘no, never Sandy, always Rizzo’, which tells you all you need to know about me). But I shrugged it off because, well what else can you do?

The truth of the matter is, that’s bullshit. I may give off that vibe, but things do phase me. Quite a bit sometimes. What I’ve truly mastered is the art of giving off the illusion that I don’t give a shit. It just works out safer that way in the grand scheme of things. It’s my way of coping, it’s to do with my introverted nature. I just spend a lot of time trying to avoid drawing attention to myself, which includes making it appear that the water just slips right off my back.

The other truth of the matter is that I have done my time with letting things phase me. I did that for well over a decade and it tainted a lot of things in a big way, like school which is a tad inconvenient because I spent a lot of my time there. I’ve been there and it wasn’t great. In adulthood, for the most part, there is very little that can be said or can be put in front of me that would really phase me. Children and teenagers can be cruel, they are creative, they are relentless, but adulthood most people get a filter and it’s easier to avoid the people that are still dicks. The only problem is myself now and I’m pretty good at filtering things out and just letting them affect me how they’re gonna affect me and then moving on.

And I am in no way going to let other people know if something affects me or not, to me that seems like a level of power that I don’t need to just be handing to people willy nilly.

So I shrug it off.

Although it is mostly true in the context that it was said in…

Love,

main-sign-off


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