There is unique kind of fear that floods through your veins and makes you feel a little bit chilled even if you’re burrowed very far underneath your duvet when you wake up and realise that you have missed your alarm. It leads to a quick calculation as to how quickly you can get ready for the day and still make it where you need to be on time.
This happened to me this morning. I set my alarm but failed to change the day for it so it was set for Monday and not today like I intended it to be. It meant that I had 15 minutes less than I wanted to and had to skip on the breakfast that I wanted to have. But it was fine I just needed to shower and throw on some workout clothes and get out the door which was manageable in the half hour that I had. And I did it and still got where I needed to go on time. But it did remind me that there is a special type of fear that comes with knowing that you have somehow missed your alarm and that it is a damn good thing that I set one today that was around the same time that I wake up naturally when I do not have to go to work (yay weekend!).
This then reminded me of the fact that try as I might I still let fear kind of rule my life in some ways. There is this thing that I need to submit and the deadline is now on Monday. I finished writing the thing that I wanted to submit for it at the beginning of the month and keep telling myself that I am going to type it up and send it through and then every time I get on my computer I just don’t do it. I’m scared to type it up and send it. I’m scared to put it out into the universe and even if nothing comes from it just knowing that someone has had to read and knowing that it is being judged in some capacity terrifies me.
I’ve left it this long out of fear. And as the deadline creeps ever closer I live in a slightly more murky world where I’m not even sure if I am ever gonna type it up and get it submitted before the deadline passes. I have so much more time over this weekend with it being Easter and yet I’m also like ‘am I really gonna do this though?’. The answer is yes, i will because otherwise I have done the exercise for no purpose and that makes all rather pointless. And also, it’s no different to posting on here. It just feels like it is.
But I used to feel like this with this blog and look where I am now.
So I’m going to sign off and go and actually type it up and get it submitted.
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