I’ve come to the realisation/accepted the fact that I am not finishing Camp Nano this month. Or at least it’s unlikely to happen, because I can’t really see me writing 10,000 words in 8 days. I mean it might happen, but I doubt it.
Because I know myself and I also know that I haven’t looked at the document that houses that first 5,000 words in nearly 2 weeks. I’ve written some stuff in my notebook that I will at some point type up just so that I can bulk up my word count a bit before month’s end but the creativity in relation to it has been stilted to say the least.
I also know why that is the case. I mean there is only so far that you can go when you kind of just don’t do the research that is for the crux of the whole plot. I have the materials and the means to do all the research and yet I just don’t…I mean it just reminds me too much of essay writing which I hated. And I mean hated with a deep passion.
I go to start doing some research and then I inevitably just get bored and start procrastinating. And I want to get the research done, I really do, because doing so will give me a better foundation with which to write the fucking book. But I just don’t want to do it. I want all the knowledge to already be stored in some part of my brain so that I can just pull from it and get the damn thing done.
My plot isn’t even fully formed yet because of the lack of research. My plot is literally embedded in the research and I still apparently cannot be motivated to do it. I can just sense that the research part will just make a bigger mess of everything before it makes things better. Before it all falls into place, and I’m impatient like that.
I want it all to be in my head and ready to go now. But it isn’t.
And I can’t see me pulling 10,000 words out of thin air in 8 days. I mean I might, but it’s unlikely.
So I’m not finishing Camp Nano this month. Or most likely I’m not. I dunno, a part of me thinks that I might do it. A small part, but a part of me nonetheless…
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