Somehow we have reached the end of this month and that seems insane because I could have sworn that it had just started. But I guess I feel like that every single time a month comes to an end and I am faced the with realisation that I am going to have to flip my calendar over to a new picture even though it feels like I just got used to the last picture.
This month has been a bit of a strange one on a few levels. For one the weather has been all over the place in a way that I guess that it always is as this on some level a transitional month and it pretty much always does the insane things that it does, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that it’s still very odd to be walking around in a t-shirt one minute and then feeling like you need your reliable winter coat the next.
Secondly, personally I’ve felt a bit all over the place which has been a bit of an experience to have to deal with and has also taken me back to places that I thought I had left behind me. Although I guess that never truly happens and in some capacity you are always going to be affected by things that have happened. But yeah, that’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to deal with, but I think (hope) that it’s coming to an end as we move through into May.
Thirdly writing letters to you Spring was a bit all over the place. It just sort of highlighted to me how much of a rut I was in when it comes to being creative right now which I had hoped this project would kind of kick start and get me back on track. And it has in some way, but it also hasn’t. It’s occasionally mocked me in a big way, when I’ve just spent ages looking at a blank screen and wondering what the fuck I am going to talk about today. I’ve thought about giving it up sometimes, but then I remember that this isn’t supposed to be a chore and if it is then I should stop doing it anyway. And yeah, some days the post comes easier and sometimes they are kind of almost not worth posting, but every time I did post it I got one step closer to maybe not being stuck in this weird rut of mine.
So it’s been a bit all over the place and I’ve felt a bit out of my element with it all and writing to you Spring has just reminded me of that. It was an interesting exercise for me to take, when I have written to your other transitional counterpart in the past I have felt like I was settling back into…something and that doesn’t happen with you Spring I’ve learned this month. It might have something to do with the residual terrors in the back of my mind about this time always coinciding with exams and me always being super stressed about them. I hope that leaves me at some point, but something was definitely off kilter this month.
I can’t decide if I’m glad that I have a record of that or not. Either way it’s time to say goodbye to Spring (on here at least) and just be proud that I managed to stick to yet another batch of letters.
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