Hi, Hey, Hello!
As the title probably indicates things haven’t gone quite back to normal yet in that today I’m gonna carry on rambling about something random as opposed trying to churn something creative out, because as the time in which this post is coming might suggest I am still annoyingly in some kind of slump and so doing that would be like pulling teeth.
Doing this however, will come slightly more naturally.
I have a slight issue when it comes to buying clothes in that I buy too many of them on impulse and don’t necessarily think about whether or not I will actually wear them or not. Or more accurately, whether I have the confidence to wear them or not.
The item in question is, as you could probably guess, is the crop top. I’ve bought a lot of them over the years as their rise in popularity has increased. I’ve even worn them but I never at any point felt even remotely comfortable wearing them up until recently. I would pull them down even though I knew they weren’t going to get any longer due to their very nature. I would sit with my arms firmly wrapped around my waist just to hide the gap that existed between the hem of the top and the top of whatever I was wearing on the lower half of my body. I would just sort of curl into myself and pretend that I was okay with it but never really being okay with it.
And then at some point over the past few months I stopped caring about all that. I reached another level of being okay with what my body looks like. I’ve hated it for so long and I’ve put it through hell (and still have my moments when I do that) but I’ve had this epiphany over the last few months that I should really stop doing that. My body is stronger than before and it’s looking leaner and I’m not terrified of it and I’m not worried about things as trivial as stomach rolls. I don’t feel weirdly self conscious as I walk around baring a strip of my stomach, I mean yeah I hold my core tight but that’s not out of self consciousness that’s out of trying to have better posture (and yeah, maybe on some level it helps knowing that in the right outfit I looked toned as hell, sue me, I work on this shit).
But I don’t buy them anymore just because they look nice and I want to convince myself that I have the confidence to wear them. I buy them (and wear the several that I already have) because I’m excited to wear them. Because I’m not terrified of them. I know on some level that they look good. I know how to wear them to make them look best on me and the best way for them to make feel good wearing them.
I mean I should probably hold off on buying anymore of them because the weather here isn’t that great and so the opportunity to wear them isn’t that frequent, but when the weather is good you can pretty much guarantee that you will find me wearing a crop top, a pair of high waisted jeans and some kind of jacket (for now, although hopefully I can shed the jacket at some point).
It seems like a weirdly trivial thing, to just feel confident enough to wear a smaller version of a piece of fabric that I wear every day, but it’s something. It’s a clear change in a part of my mindset and it’s a step in the right direction to making my brain less of a volatile place to reside.
And that can never be a bad thing, right?
Speaking of which, what are some of your clothing fears? Dia & Co is all about embracing those fears and being badass whilst doing so!
Parentheses count: 4. See you tomorrow!
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