Vicissitude 6

Hi, Hey, Hello!

So, yeah I’m back again. Had a little comb through an old notebook and found some stuff that I don’t think I have done anything with yet and so now seemed like a good time to do something with them. The title indicates to which place this belongs.

‘I can talk to you right?’

‘In a general sense? Yeah, course you can. Why?’

‘I just have a couple of questions, and well Mom isn’t around anymore. So?’

‘Mia, just ask.’

‘Whendidyouknowyouwerereadytohavesex?’

‘Oh, um. right. I just did?”

‘What a very helpful answer that is.’

‘I just…there was no moment of clarity about it. It just happened.’

‘But, like, it didn’t freak you out leading up to it?’

‘I was kinda nervous about it I guess, but no it didn’t freak me out. If anything it was kind of anti-climatic.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it is never gonna be the best. The world makes it seem like the best thing in the world and it can be, but in that instant it probably won’t be.’

‘Okay. Does it take long to get good?’

‘Depends on who you’re with I guess. I was 23 when I finally got what they hype was.’

‘When did…’

’17.’

‘6 years is a long time.’

‘If you go in thinking every time is gonna be mind blowing then you’re doomed to fail before you even start. It’s not always going to be transcendental experience. It’s gonna be awkward and fumbly, especially at first as you figure out what’s good and what’s not so good. And hey, you may never understand the hype and that’s fine. You have to be relaxed about it though, or it’s never gonna be fun. And if at any point its not just stop.’

‘Right that makes sense. Did you give a shiz about who your first was?’

‘His name was Nathan and he was 18 and in my yoga class. I went to New York for my 18th birthday the following day and ended up staying out there. Never saw him again. So no, I guess I didn’t care as such.’

‘When was the last time you went to yoga?’ Mia asked, moving swiftly on, mainly out of nerves.

‘Not for a while. But I still go. It’s the only form of exercise that doesn’t make me want to gauge my eyes out.’

‘You should start going again. I can look after the kids for a couple of hours when you want.’

‘Thanks, I think I’m fine at the moment, but yeah, maybe.’

‘I know I phrased that like it was a suggestion but it was kind of a request. You cannot only live for these children. Go back to yoga. Take some time for yourself.’ Her tone was stern, it reminded Nix of their mother and she fought the urge to cry.

‘Are we done talking about you now?’ Nix said, just to distract herself.

‘Yeah, pretty much. You’re lucky I’m only going on about the yoga thing, given the subject matter I could go on about Josh if you want?’

‘I don’t want. Back to you.’ She said hastily.

‘I thought we were done with me? You told me what I wanted to hear.’

‘Yeah, but I haven’t done the whole safe sex talk yet.’

‘I have the internet, I know most of these things.’

‘And your birth control of choice is?’

‘The pill, but condoms are important. And in my possession.’

‘Correct answer.’

‘I’m not an idiot you know that right?’

‘Yes, I do. But I always told Mom that I would have that talk with you because we both knew that you were never gonna have with her.’

‘I would have.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. There was a time when you wouldn’t have even hesitated having this conversation with me.’

‘I would’ve.’

‘No, you wouldn’t, but whatever. I’ll go to yoga. There’s a class tomorrow afternoon that I used to go to, you good to pick the kids up from school.’

‘No, but I’ll ask Josh.’

‘That’s not what I…whatever. Okay, thanks.’

‘I think you should appreciate how restrained I’m being right now because there are so many things I could say right now.’

‘You are a true saint Mia. Now, what do you want for dinner?

Parentheses count: 0. See you on Sunday!

Main sign off


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Sophie

Sophie, twenty-something, avid reader, writer, really good at watching whole seasons of TV shows in one weekend and using 10 words where 5 will do, overzealous user of the ellipsis and parentheses, starts too many sentences with ‘and’ and ‘so’, living in a continual state of Wanderlust.

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