Hi, Hey, Hello!
In my new minor obsession with working out, because hello an outlet to direct my anxiety, I have slowly introduced a lot of new things to my routine slowly but surely. Some have worked and I stick to them on a mostly weekly basis, some I rotate in for a few weeks and then I switch them out. Sometimes I just have to listen to my body needs and wants during any given week and work accordingly.
The one thing that I have never done is anything that involves weights. And it’s not because I was worried about getting bulky or anything, I was just sort of scared of them.
They intimidated me in a way that I try to not let things do anymore.
I would just have these visions of me not being able to lift that much because my upper body strength is effectively non-existent and then eventually somehow getting that small weight above my head only to then promptly fall on the floor because the weight is too much and I can’t take it. Or getting crushed by a barbell or something. I would go full Final Destination with my thought process for no reason whatsoever.
And then at some point last week I was like ‘fuck it’, I’m a lot stronger in my body than I was when I first started this ‘journey’ (I am reluctant to call it that but I don’t have a better word so I have to go with it) and can almost do something that could almost be called a push up without being on my knees now. So my upper body strength is doing something that should probably be considered progress in some way. And also my lower body strength is pretty damn strong.
And so I signed up for a class that is literally called ‘Lift’.
It was hard.
Not in a bad way, just in a way that my body isn’t used to. I mean it squats a lot (I have to squat into my jeans to get them to sit right on me, long story, but yeah…I have to do that) and it does a fair amount of arm work. But never with weight involved. Funnily enough it gets harder with weight involved.
It also highlighted new areas of tightness to me. For example, I knew I had tights hips, but they are definitely not as bad as they used to be so I’ve sort of stopped noticing tightness there. There are things that have gotten a lot easier as they have ceased to be so damn problematic. This 45 minute class taught me that I also have tight shoulders. Like really tight shoulders. I mean they loosened up a little, but for the most part they’re tight. I did not know that before.
Another thing I learned is that I’m not actually as weak as I believe I am. I mean I’m a light lifter but I didn’t go into this thinking that I would be super good and strong because that’s absurd. But I wasn’t as weak as I expected. I managed to do a whole round with 10kg on a barbell which the thought of doing sparked those images of being crushed by a barbell. It was hard, and I didn’t think I could do it but it was definitely a case of my body being way further ahead of mind, which happens to me a lot these days.
It burned and it hurt (not in a bad way or anything) and I felt like quitting a couple of times, but when it came to the final track and I actually managed to (mostly) get through it with 8kg on my bar and not cry. I kind of felt fucking amazing.
So much so that I did it again last night. It was a little bit easier and then also somehow harder. I mean I knew what to expect from it this time which also helped so that fear was gone. But also I just felt more confident in it. At the end of the day I can only do what my body is going to allow me to do in terms of weights. And that’s not going to change if I lift light or super heavy. It’s going to very much be an of the day thing.
It’s a full body work out and it makes me really focus in on the way my muscles are moving and supporting each other. It’s another great way for me to just disconnect from the world and let the stress of the day melt away as I get into a rhythm with it all. It releases all those fun endorphins and it’s a proved to be a great way to close out my work out week.
I’m probably going to phase more of it in because I actually almost enjoy it, even though it burns so much. It feels the same that barre did when I first did it and I do that shit on the weekly now, it’s one of my staples.
And you know what, I didn’t fall to the floor under the weight of it all and I can do something called a skull crusher and not worry that my arms might actually give out and crush my skull…
Parentheses count: 4. See you tomorrow!
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