I always remain mildly fascinated by the things that I will and won’t talk about . Both on this blog and also in my life. There are very few people that I will talk to about some things.
It took me until this year to finally go and see a bloody doctor about the anxiety that I was told I had back when I was 19/20 but never did anything about. And I only did that because it finally got too much to bear. And only then did I even think to talk about it to other people. To not be scared of talking about it.
It took a while and it was only when I was having my last counselling session that I even mentioned that I was doing that, and it was only because I was having this final session slap bang over lunch time and I needed to tell people why I had to shift that time around slightly. But once I had gotten over just saying it out loud it was fine. Funnily enough nothing really changed. Other than the fact that I felt like a weight had been lifted.
And now I’m saying it on here, because it’s all very well and good me mentioning in passing that anxiety kinda ruined my life for a little while and it seems kind of ridiculous for me to just ignore that completely. I’m not gonna like talk about it all the time or anything, it’s not something I am going to dwell on, but it is something that happened and I don’t see the point in ignoring that.
But the reason for this coming up is that I wrote a whole post about something else for today. And then I looked at it again and was like ‘ooohhh that’s too much information, can’t be putting that out there’ and so I highlighted it all and then pushed delete.
Who knows if I will ever get to a place where I what I said originally in this letter. I wouldn’t have thought a few months ago that I would be in a place to talk relatively openly about the whole anxiety treatment thing and yet here we are. If I ever do then I know that the words will just flow out of me onto the page. The want to say it is there, but the actual ability to let it go out into the world hasn’t quite reached that stage yet.
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