Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 16

Dear Autumn,

Sometimes I feel like I take my normal routine a little for granted, in that I just go through the motions and don’t really pay that much attention to it until that routine is changed and then I start to notice some old bad habits creeping back in.

I mention this mainly in relation to food.

I used to not eat breakfast. I have a full time job and for a while I managed to convince myself that I was making my way to lunch time just fine. I wasn’t. I was so hungry by the time that lunch came around that I would then just overeat. I’d never been the habit of eating breakfast, at uni I kept such weird hours that I would just eat whatever when I rolled out of bed and actually made my way to the kitchen. And before that at school our lunch break was at 11:45 for an hour and so it never really felt like I was waiting all that long.

I was eating two meals a day plus a snack at around 15:30.

That stopped being able to cut it once I started work and my lunch moved to being around 1pm. I started to get hungry at around 11 and then it all went to shit come lunch. Once I started eating it almost felt like I couldn’t stop. So I started eating breakfast.

And now I eat three meals a day, plus a mid afternoon snack. A pre-workout snack, a post-workout protein shake and if I have any fruit in the house or a particularly strong craving I have something after dinner as well (on rest days, I ditch the protein shake and sometimes just have a slice of toast when I get home from work). That’s during the week. But even at weekends it remains pretty solid. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I have a proper breakfast like I do on weekdays, but I do eat because I don’t think doing a fasted workout is gonna serve me well in life. I’m prone to light headedness.

But the moment you take me away from that slight routine, that I don’t even really notice is a routine, it all goes to shit. I sort of noticed it a little when I was in Greece and kept very strange hours and lived off gyros plates and cocktails, but this past week I really noticed it. I pretty much sustained myself off crumpets, salted popcorn and digestive biscuits before having a massive dinner and then repeating the process. And the weird thing is I didn’t ever feel all that hungry in amongst it all. Nor was I super terrified by it all as an idea. Before when I’ve fallen back into that habit however briefly I’ve panicked and tried to get things back on track, but inevitably just end up eating more crap and making it all worse before I finally got back on track.

Now I just sort of let it happen and the come Friday when I’d done it for a few days i just switched myself back to a normal eating routine. Or mostly normal, it didn’t fully go back to normal until today, now that I’m back at work and my normal habits just fell back into motion.

I’ve made a habit of keeping a mostly decent ‘diet’ as it were. There are areas where I need to improve still for sure, but it keeps be going and leaves me feeling in a good place. A good enough place where I know, and can accept, that a few days of really whack eating isn’t going to undo everything and leave me spiralling out of control again.

Love,main-sign-off


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