Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 31

Dear Autumn,

Well I say that, for the final time, although I do feel like when the clocks rolled back winter immediately decided to make itself known. It was a bitterly cold wake up call yesterday and the wind bit at my ears and fingertips and the sun hung low and bright in the crisp blue sky, making the orange and gold carnage that the last few weeks have brought glisten like a mass of jewels.

I told a lie yesterday, I didn’t wash my hair last night. I just sort of fell into being ill and a bit run down and feeling a bit shitty and with that came being sat no my sofa and not really moving once I got home. I mean it allowed me to be a tad productive, maybe not completely in the way that I would like, but in a way.

I’ve rather horrifyingly, but very much necessary, declared this week a rest week. I haven’t taken an extended period of time off from regular exercise for months now with the exception of the two whole holidays that I have taken, but even then the day after I got back I went straight back to it. I used to take 3-4, sometimes 5, days off when Aunt Flo was in town but as time has moved on I have managed to work around that and minimised the amount of time that I have taken off from it. I’ve basically been pretty consistent and only taken time off when I’m like I’ve deserved this.

And I deserve this one as well, running myself down even further is not a good idea, but for some reason it was a bit harder to make that decision without the promise of a holiday. I’m hoping I just need this work week. And because my evenings aren’t being occupied by sweating I didn’t need to wash my hair quite so urgently as it turned out to not be the only free day early on in the week I have. Plus my hair was co-operating yesterday, undoing all that for the sake of washing felt pointless and I was feeling lazy.

The cold has also come the need to just consume all the junk food. Which I’m indulging in a little because well it’s better to just give in sometimes and Jaffa cakes taste so good.

My depleted energy levels might set be back a bit for the next few days in terms of writing and getting shit done, but I guess when I have an extra hour or so at home because I’m not having to work out and then get home and then shower and then eat and the suddenly discover that it’s 9pm and I’m gonna start thinking about going upstairs to my bed. I won’t have that excuse this week and it’s kind of a good thing. Accountability.

I’m gonna spend the next night just getting things down onto paper and all that jazz.

And I’m going to try and shake this cold so I can get back on things so I can feel a little bit more like myself again. I’m probably going to have to dig out my winter coat and will admit that I am quite enjoying that currently I get to wrap myself up in a scarf for an indefinite amount of time whilst indoors because it keeps me insulated and provides me with the illusion of getting better.

Nights are getting darker quicker and temperatures are dropping rapidly and the leaves will soon all be gone leaving stark trees in their wake and I know my time with you is almost done. Which I’m always a little sad about, but also know that it just makes my time with you all the sweeter.

I don’t quite know what to make of you this year though. It’s been a weird month of feeling inspired and also feeling drained. Feeling motivated and then also feeling quite low. Of feeling super confident and then feeling tons of self loathing. Of feeling relaxed and then also feeling super stressed.

It’s been odd.

I somehow feel like it always is as I finally settle back into my element. My element being the cold. Wrapping up in jumpers and knitwear is where I am happiest.

It’s been real Autumn, thanks for stopping by.

Love,

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