Hi, Hey, Hello!
I decided to read both of the newly acquired Adam Silvera books in my life back to back. Why I do not know, but when I realised that I was going to have to carry two books in my bag for a day the only book that drew my attention was the second of the two books I had and so here we are:
First of all, the first part of this book has an Oscar Wilde quote on the aptly coloured black title page. And then it was also called Death- Cast. I mean, if the title didn’t give it all away that this is not going to have a happy ending then those two things definitely did.
The thing about moving through this book with two characters who find out within the opening pages that they are going to die on that day but they just don’t know when is that you as a reader also know that at some point these two characters are going to die and you also don’t know when and it just adds an different element to the whole reading experience.
I both loved and hated that.
As such this book got me so in my feelings it was unreal. I still haven’t really come to terms with the way I feel about it. I can’t quite process it still because every time I think about something new comes to light.
This books feels a little bit like one giant self fulfilling prophecy. Every time I think about all the small actions that ultimately led to Mateo and Rufus’ death I wonder if maybe something different could have happened and then the ending would have been happier. The answer is always no. There is no other way for this to go. But what I did wish was that it went the way I was convinced it was gonna go because I was prepared for that one and then what actually happened was so much worse.
This is told from two main perspectives and then there were some other secondary characters, who I’m gonna be honest I kind of wonder why the hell they were important and then as all the puzzle pieces fell into place it became obvious why you were reading about these people’s lives. What I liked was that you really got a sense of each character was individually, especially when it came to Rufus and Mateo, if for whatever I just wasn’t paying attention to the chapter title I could still tell whose perspective it was from by the tone of voice. As it was told directly from their perspectives it meant that once they were gone, they were gone.
Which was fucking brutal. When Mateo died and that was just it I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. I had to just keep going and feel Rufus’ pain as he came to terms with the fact that Mateo died. Mateo’s final line hit me deep in my core. The same applies to the end of the book. It just ended. And it took a beat for me to realise how he died but then the whole chapter prior to it clicked into place and part of me broke again. Because there was a part of me who was just like ‘you’ve been so careful all day’ and that was kind of when the notion of this whole book is something to do with fate and actions and self fulfilling prophecies and then I just kind of spiralled into my feelings and everything hurt.
Everything still does hurt.
I loved these characters. I fell in love with them almost instantly. I related to Mateo so much and my heart broke a little when I was like ‘oh my god he’s gonna be alone on his last day’ and then it broke even further when it dawned on me that in some indirect way because he knew that day was going to be his last day that he caused it to be his last day and it all just hurt.
Have I said that yet. That this book hurt.
Because it did.
Like I mentioned briefly earlier, I thought I knew how this book was gonna end. It felt like it was going to be bloody, but I was prepared for that. I knew they both had to die and I figured that they would die that way, but then it didn’t happen like that and as such I was very unprepared and then I had to just live my work day life trying to figure out what was going to happen to them. I haven’t been so stressed out by a book in a long time.
The narrative itself felt perfectly paced. Nothing ever felt too rushed but there was also a sense of urgency with everything because there was only this one day. It takes you on a long emotional rollercoaster and it’s exhausting to be honest. But also incredibly satisfying. And painful. And heartbreaking.
Real talk, I don’t quite know why I was so surprised that this book was so fucking painful. The title was a dead give away, but I guess I also kind of know myself and I am not prone to getting emotional when it comes to books. Or anything really, unless it’s dogs doing something cute, so I kind of didn’t really think that much about it. And I was so wrong. It got me so up in my feelings, I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I finished it about a week ago at the time I am writing this and I am still not really all that okay with it. I haven’t quite come to terms with my thoughts about it, as is probably evidence by this nearly 1,000 words of almost near nonsense
What I can say is that I would recommend this book in a heartbeat. It is so beautifully written and nuanced. It is like one giant puzzle that does all come together at the end and paints a heartbreaking picture as they all fall into place. It’s so good. The characters are so well written and everything about it is just great.
Parentheses count: 0. See you tomorrow!
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