Hi, Hey, Hello!
I am for the most part quite an anti-social person. I just don’t like being in rooms with a lot of people. I don’t particularly love it even when I know most of the people in the room, I especially hate it if I know no one. Or at least know very few people. I will agree to go and will then try to think of as many ways as possible to try and get out of it.
I am very good at doing that.
But I am maybe even better at just coming up with excuses to not go in the first place. Sometimes I get lucky and someone will just accept the answer no without me having to provide an actual explanation. Sometimes I don’t and then I have to provide some reason, it’s usually bullshit. But in my head it saves me so much energy.
To not have to be on and pay attention and have to give a shit and engage and all that jazz. It just takes so much out of me that then I feel like I am playing catch up with just being a person and getting rest in.
Because that is something that I always need. I need to be fully alone any time afterI have had to be overly social. Even if it’s just something small I still feel like it drains all the energy out of me and then I just sort of get the desire to lie in bed all of the following day. I don’t tend to, but the urge to do it is always there.
It’s just that being social is a huge source of anxiety for me and I try to avoid increasing that area of my life wherever possible because it’s no good for me. What is also no good for me is the fact that I run the risk of becoming a recluse and that in itself comes with it’s own host of issues. So the key is to find a balance with it all somehow, although I really don’t know what that balance would be.
I guess that would be part of what I need to figure out.
I need to try to stop making excuses for getting out of things and just give it a try. And I need to try and ignore the voice that is telling me that even just thinking about it is exhausting me. Or, rather maybe not ignore but just not listen to in every single circumstance of my life, even when it comes to things that I am actually quite excited for…
Parentheses count: 0. See you tomorrow!
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