Time

Hi, Hey, Hello!

The most important thing that I have learned over the years that I have been really battling with my mental health is that time is key.

Time and patience.

Patience is actually something that I possess. I am incredibly good at being patient. Or at least I have always been very good at giving off the illusion that I am patient. When I was at school people were always surprised about how very little seemed to push me over the edge. And that’s true. It does take a lot to do that.

But nothing tries my patience quite like my anxiety does.

It can make me go from 0-100 real quick.

The moment that I can feel myself spiralling downwards I can also feel myself getting incredibly angry with myself for letting it get to me.

For years I used to exist in a vicious cycle where I could feel myself getting bad but then would do nothing about it and would hate myself for it.

And then I finally accepted that the key to everything is just time.

I need to just accept that sometimes times will be bad, but they will pass. I need to get very Gandalf about it all. I need to accept that sometimes I will be better at dealing with it then others. Sometimes it will be as simple as just listening to some music and going for a walk. Sometimes it will take longer. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It just means that I need to take a harder look at what is causing the issue and try and work on it. Try and find the root so I can pull it out and not be affected by it again. It means that I have to be a little more gentle with myself.

That’s been something that has been hard to learn. To learn over time to not beat myself up about the things that are bothering me. To acknowledge that they are valid and there is nothing wrong with them and then try and accept them or work them out.

Do the hard work basically.

The hard work that I don’t really want to do because it’s hard and it requires a lot from you. It requires a small part of you to give up control (and I’m lying when I say a small part, it’s a very large part, it’s almost all of you) and to fall into the very feeling that you are trying to pull away from.

But it takes time to learn how to do that hard work in a way that doesn’t take everything from you. That alleviates you of the issue that it is plaguing you but also leaves you still feeling like you. Or rather a stronger version of you.

There are things that I have learnt over time that do work. And they work well. There are things that used to work that no longer do and that’s frustrating because it makes you feel like you’re back at square one again. There are definitely still things that I need to learn.

Like how to stop having mini breakdowns in work toilets, splashing some water on my face and then carrying on as if everything is okay. That’s a big one. I mean I don’t do it as much as I used to, but there are definitely days where for some inexplicable reason the thing that I have been doing just fine for months all of sudden feels to overwhelming and I don’t know how to cope. Which is annoying to say the least. But is something that I will learn to deal with over time I know that. I mean, like I said, it doesn’t happen all that frequently anymore and it used to happen at least twice a month for a while, so on some level I have learned how to deal with it.

It just all takes time and patience.

Which is both annoying and somewhat satisfying.

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!

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Sophie

Sophie, twenty-something, avid reader, writer, really good at watching whole seasons of TV shows in one weekend and using 10 words where 5 will do, overzealous user of the ellipsis and parentheses, starts too many sentences with ‘and’ and ‘so’, living in a continual state of Wanderlust.

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