Letters to Autumn 5

Letters to Autumn 5

Dear Autumn,

I am very easily stressed. It’s the anxiety disorder in me. It’s only a minor problem. Well not really all that minor but you catch my drift.

There is a part of me that thinks that maybe it will get better the more I get my anxiety under control, but to be honest I don’t think it will. The only thing that will get better is the way that I deal with it.

And I am getting better at it. I mean shit hits the fan in some areas of my life and instead of having a full on breakdown in the disabled toilet I can just take a few deep breaths and then carry on with my shit. And I’m getting better at recognising the signs that signal that I am going to just descend into a panic attack, I don’t tend to avoid having them completely, but I can lessen the damage that they might do (because I have just always gotta have them at work, it can never be at the weekend or anything can it?).

That doesn’t however change the fact that I am still very easily stressed and I mean over anything.

Literally anything.

I’m also not all that good at just putting it to bed. It just festers in my head and I don’t really know what to do with it because sometimes the cause is external and out of my hands. So I just feel nauseous and a muscle under my left eye starts twitching and sometimes I get a headache. And I can just kind of live my life like that for a little bit and then eventually the thing that I’m stressing about either works itself out or I work it out.

This is basically coming from a place where I spent a lot of today low key stressed over things that I kind of had no control over. Mainly because it was threatening to fuck with my plans to not be in London for a week. And the crisis was averted in the end, but it happened about 6 hours after the initial trigger. So that was a lot.

Then once that was resolved something else happened and it made the feeling come back and to be honest that one hasn’t been resolved as of yet (while I’m writing this post) which is kind of annoying to be honest.

But it’s just kind of the way that my life and brain works and I’ve just kind of learned to adapt to it.

However, I do kind of really wanna see Blindspotting later and the fact that I don’t have a confirmation email is sort of annoying because how the hell am I supposed to collect my ticket…?

Love,Main sign off

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Sophie, twenty-something, avid reader, writer, really good at watching whole seasons of TV shows in one weekend and using 10 words where 5 will do, overzealous user of the ellipsis and parentheses, starts too many sentences with ‘and’ and ‘so’, living in a continual state of Wanderlust.

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