Letters to Autumn 30

Letters to Autumn 30

Dear Autumn,

At the beginning of the month I started a letter to you. It ran for about a page before it took a turn that I hadn’t anticipated when I started writing it.

I mean I literally never know where any of these things are going to go but I have a rough arc in my head. But as I wrote this particular one it just ran away from the arc I had planned for it.

And it caught me off guard.

To the point where I just kind of let it sit and took some away from it.

And then never went back to it.

I left space to complete the letter in my old notebook, the only blank pages left in there, but I’ve not filled them.

It caught me off guard because I found my subconscious trying to confront my conscious about thing that deep down I did know but it’s just easier to push away and ignore.

It’s not that I don’t want to confront it, it’s just that I’m not fully prepared for it at the moment. There are other things that I want/need to tackle first and this is not the time to deal with it.

Also at this point I don’t know how to finish the letter. It was started at a unique moment in time that kind of only lasted for about two days before my mindset just kind of went back to normal and I need time to really think about what I actually want to say about it and it’s gonna involve some self reflection which is fucking hard when you’re about 90% anxiety and (over)thinking is almost all you do.

So I have a half written letter in my back pocket. That I’m kind of scared to revisit but know that I will need to for the sake of growth.

I just gotta find he headspace for that.

It’s not now.

Love,Main sign off


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Sophie

Sophie, twenty-something, avid reader, writer, really good at watching whole seasons of TV shows in one weekend and using 10 words where 5 will do, overzealous user of the ellipsis and parentheses, starts too many sentences with ‘and’ and ‘so’, living in a continual state of Wanderlust.

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