Hi, Hey, Hello!
Now this is basically just me giving myself a chance to get slightly meta about my blog and all the posts that never was. There are a lot of them. My gosh are there a lot of them.
In fact on Sunday I got halfway through writing a post and then all of a sudden lost all my steam with it and wondered why I ever thought it would be a good idea to even think about writing it and putting it into the atmosphere. So I scrapped it and then wrote that 300 something words of nothing instead.
This happens a lot. And it usually happens when I find a new line that I apparently won’t cross. The thing about the line is that it’s always inching that little bit further away from me. So, while on one day I will write 75% of something that then I’ll come to the realisation that I cannot possibly put this into a public space that will never truly ever be deleted, even if I delete it. It’s like I am just letting a piece of my soul go, and well, I can’t do that. And so I leave it.
But then I find myself in a different headspace a few months, weeks, even days later and it suddenly doesn’t seem all that bad and so I write it and then I post it and I can quite happily carry on with my life and I don’t think a part of my very being is snatched from my person. And so the line shifts back slightly.
It sort of feeds into that thing of how much of my ‘real’ self I let bleed onto the internet because there has to be a line somewhere, but I keep redrawing the line and it seems to get a bit more complicated and one big murky grey area that all gets a bit confusing. Something that is made all the more confusing by the fact that I am always going to be more confident in writing than I am in person and I find it way easier to push that personal boundary through words then I do with anything else, so I make the line so much blurrier just through that fact alone.
So, there are a few posts that I have almost published but then run away at the last minute and scrambled for something else instead because at the moment the line is firmly in place and they include (and even writing this list in itself seems like I’m crossing the line, but not really):
- The perils that were my second year at uni
- Anxiety and how that messes with my life
- The idea of regrets (nothing like super serious, but for some reason this was recently half written and then deleted from existence)
- That really unhealthy relationship that I once had wth food
- Something about how bloody weird being an introvert is
- Why it sucks having a younger sibling that seems to know what the hell they want while you’re still falling into nothing space and figuring it out
- Why still living at home is a blessing and a curse (mostly a blessing though, I’m not an idiot, I’m lucky in that respect)
- Actually, all of uni was kind of weirdly great but also weirdly shit and why that was.
I may actually cross the line and write some of these one day. Maybe not. We’ll see. For now though they will exist only in this list and half written posts that won’t see the light of day.
Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!
Find me here: