My Life

How to Shop

Hi, Hey, Hello!

Christmas (yeah, I said it. I almost didn’t want to, but I said it…I just have to accept it now) is a-coming and as such I think it is time to accept that maybe I am at some point going to have shop for a few people in my life.

Now typically I try and keep it online only, because it’s just easier and it means that I don’t have to leave my house and deal with all the other people (one of the few perks of being unemployed was that I could leave my house on a weekday and deal with significantly less people), but sometimes it just doesn’t work.

Sometimes all the options available on the internet are overwhelming and largely speaking I have no idea where to start. And then I get distracted because I see something that I might like and then it just gets really ‘treat yo self’ and dangerous and I end up being stuff but somehow still not having actual gifts and I reside myself to the fact that to somehow give myself the best possible chance of actually getting the thing done is if I go to a place with actual physical shops.

And then I have to come up with a plan.

The plan being, get in and get out.

Seriously, get in and get the hell out. That’s it. That’s the plan. It has to be the plan or else I’m totally fucked.

I find that if I just sort of hit up some department stores then I will find what I’m looking for without even realising that it was what I was looking for. It just sort of appears to me and I make a connection with it to someone I know and just like that they are crossed off my gift buying list. If I’m lucky I can get all that shit done in one department store. If I’m not then  I am probably in it for the long haul and then at some point I lose the will. And then I start to get distracted.

Like I will wander into the Disney Store which on a Saturday is one of the seven circles of hell, but I’m a sucker for a mug. I’ll end up in Topshop for ages and end up with a wishlist for things longer than my person (and occasionally I end up with a new pair of jeans, because the Topshop Joni jeans are where it is at for me these days). I somehow get distracted by Victoria’s Secret and then that’s a rabbit hole that I just don’t get out of for a while. Sometimes I end up in Waterstones Piccadilly and that’s just a dangerous place to be. Or I end up in another circle of hell that is Selfridges and because I have a lipstick problem I just sort of wander around the beauty section for an age. And by that point I’ve forgotten what I was even doing in the first place and I’m back where I started and I would have been better off just doing it all online.

Basically the moral of this post is that I am a terrible shopper and big on the impulse buying. Don’t go shopping with me if you don’t want to spend ages looking at Disney characters, underwear or books. And I’m really glad John Lewis exists because it helps to cure a lot of my problems.

Now I’m off to try and not let the fact that I keep getting Black Friday emails and the fact that I just got paid affect my life…I might need some luck for that.

Parentheses count: 3. See you on Saturday!

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