It’s Monday…

…and I’m feeling the need to go on a slight rant. Mainly at myself, but also maybe something you can also relate to (Hi, Hey, Hello! By the way).

Sometimes, probably through muscle memory, I find myself descending into a spiral of hate reading. It starts out innocently enough, I catch a headline on my daily visit to Buzzfeed (okay I’m lying I visit that site more than once a day) and I tell myself not to click it. I know I’m gonna hate it. I know it’s gonna annoy me…But then before I know it the arrow is highlighting the link and I’m left clicking.

That’s how it starts. I feel my eyes almost rolling straight back into the back of my head and the amount I sigh in exasperation increases tenfold. Then for some reason I keep scrolling and read the comments. There is nothing quite like reading pages and pages of ridiculousness to make you question your faith in humanity a little bit.

While I’m talking about comments sections, one of my “favourite” things to do is read the comments on YouTube videos, music videos specifically, usually they involve intense debates about which artist is better, but sometimes, and it’s usually female artists, they involve passionate discussions about whether or not said is a slut (or in Beyonce’s case the Devil…I mean what?) And then I reach peak levels of annoyance and I hate myself a little because that feeling was SOLELY my own doing. Completely, 100% my fault. And I KNEW it would happen.

Luckily this happens a lot less than it used to. Before whenever I had a spare moment I would find myself seeking out shit I don’t even care about, the more ridiculous and shallow the headline the better (sidebar of shame anyone? (while we’re there though, if something is actually casually called that clearly that can’t be a good thing)). Then I’d just sit there and scroll before guilt kicked in because I procrastinated too long. Then one day it hit me that I lost hours of the day doing that and it served no purpose other than annoying me and tainting my day. Oh, and it was also stressing me out because every minute I spent absorbing useless, pointless, unnecessary (have I got my point across there?) crap was a minute that I wasn’t doing something that needed doing.

So I cut back. I wish I could say that I stopped completely but that would be an outright lie unfortunately. Because I still find myself clicking on that one article that I know is gonna straight up piss me off and then get annoyed at myself all over again (I even did this on Saturday night).

If anything though, it’s worse now than it was when I was doing it like 5 times a week because I can go actual months now without so much as giving the headline anything more than a cursory glance but then eventually I find myself succumbing to one and before I’ve even clicked it I can feel the general “UGH!” emotion that comes with the act. “UGH!” because that’s what goes through my head EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

It’s this terrible, terrible compulsion I have that flares up sometimes and just seeks to ruin my life and suck me into this realm of complete vapidness. And for up to 15 minutes I let it take me. I hate it, but I let it take me and deal with the consequences after.

I mean arguably it spurs me on to be more productive these days. The rage I feel I channel into getting things that I was putting off done quickly. So the feeling of annoyance is quickly substituted for something akin to accomplishment. However even I can tell that it’s not the most beneficial way to try and inspire me to work.

There will (*whispers* hopefully) be a day where the quick flick of my eyes will be the most I do (this also applies to checking in on people I don’t necessarily like on social media. Yes, I still don’t like them and no, there is no actual point to the exercise other than being a waste of time). And there will also be a day where avoiding all the shit won’t sometimes feel like the hardest thing ever.

Because I honestly prefer being in the dark when it comes to pointless things (I’m obviously not talking about ACTUAL news) then spending any part of the day feeling anger that can only be directed at myself.

What about you? Does anyone else find themselves succumbing to hate reading?

Parentheses count: 10. See you tomorrow!

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