At the beginning of the month I started a letter to you. It ran for about a page before it took a turn that I hadn’t anticipated when I started writing it.
I mean I literally never know where any of these things are going to go but I have a rough arc in my head. But as I wrote this particular one it just ran away from the arc I had planned for it.
And it caught me off guard.
To the point where I just kind of let it sit and took some away from it.
And then never went back to it.
I left space to complete the letter in my old notebook, the only blank pages left in there, but I’ve not filled them.
It caught me off guard because I found my subconscious trying to confront my conscious about thing that deep down I did know but it’s just easier to push away and ignore.
It’s not that I don’t want to confront it, it’s just that I’m not fully prepared for it at the moment. There are other things that I want/need to tackle first and this is not the time to deal with it.
Also at this point I don’t know how to finish the letter. It was started at a unique moment in time that kind of only lasted for about two days before my mindset just kind of went back to normal and I need time to really think about what I actually want to say about it and it’s gonna involve some self reflection which is fucking hard when you’re about 90% anxiety and (over)thinking is almost all you do.
So I have a half written letter in my back pocket. That I’m kind of scared to revisit but know that I will need to for the sake of growth.
I just gotta find he headspace for that.
It’s not now.
Find me here: