Vicissitude 6

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So, yeah I’m back again. Had a little comb through an old notebook and found some stuff that I don’t think I have done anything with yet and so now seemed like a good time to do something with them. The title indicates to which place this belongs.

‘I can talk to you right?’

‘In a general sense? Yeah, course you can. Why?’

‘I just have a couple of questions, and well Mom isn’t around anymore. So?’

‘Mia, just ask.’


‘Oh, um. right. I just did?”

‘What a very helpful answer that is.’

‘I just…there was no moment of clarity about it. It just happened.’

‘But, like, it didn’t freak you our leading up to it?’

‘I was kinda nervous about it I guess, but no it didn’t freak me out. If anything it was kind of anti-climatic.’


‘Because it is never gonna be the best. The world makes it seem like the best thing in the world and it can be, but in that instant it probably won’t be.’

‘Okay. Does it take long to get good?’

‘Depends on who you’re with I guess. I was 23 when I finally got what they hype was.’

‘When did…’


‘6 years is a long time.’

‘If you go in thinking every time is gonna be mind blowing then you’re doomed to fail before you even start. It’s not always going to be transcendental experience. It’s gonna be awkward and fumbly, especially at first as you figure out what’s good and what’s not so good. And hey, you may never understand the hype and that’s fine. You have to be relaxed about it though, or it’s never gonna be fun. And if at any point its not just stop.’

‘Right that makes sense. Did you give a shiz about who your first was?’

‘His name was Nathan and he was 18 and in m yoga class. I went o New York for my 18th birthday the following day and ended up staying out there. Never saw him again. So no, I guess I didn’t care as such.’

‘When was the last time you went to yoga?’

‘Not for a while. But I still go. It’s the only form of exercise that doesn’t make me want to gauge my eyes out.’

‘You should start going again. I can look after the kids for a couple of hours when you want.’

‘Thanks, I think I’m fine at the moment, but yeah, maybe.’

‘I know I phrased that like it was a suggestion but it was kind of a request. You cannot only live for these children. Go back to yoga. Take some time for yourself.’

‘Are we done talking about you now?’

‘Yeah, pretty much. You’re lucky I’m only going on about the yoga thing, given the subject matter I could go on about Josh if you want?’

‘I don’t want. Back to you.’

‘I thought we were done with me? You told me what I wanted to hear.’

‘Yeah, but I haven’t done the whole safe sex talk yet.’

‘I have the internet, I know most of these things.’

‘And your birth control of choice is?’

‘The pill, but condoms are important. And in my possession.’

‘Correct answer.’

‘I’m not an idiot you know that right?’

‘Yes, I do. But I always told Mom that I would have that talk with you because we both knew that you were never gonna have with her.’

‘I would have.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. There was a time when you wouldn’t have even hesitated having this conversation with me.’

‘I would’ve.’

‘No, you wouldn’t, but whatever. I’ll go to yoga. There’s a class tomorrow afternoon that I used to go to, you good to pick the kids up from school.’

‘No, but I’ll ask Josh.’

‘That’s not what I…whatever. Okay, thanks.’

‘I think you should appreciate how restrained I’m being right now because there are so many things I could say right now.’

‘You are a true saint Mia. Now, what do you want for dinner?

Parentheses count: 0. See you on Sunday!


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Gilmore Girls Book Tag

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I’ve broken glass for emergency book talk again because, well for the same reasons as yesterday really. And well I ended up in some kind of YouTube vortex and this is where I ended up. So, here we go. A book based tag using the Gilmore Girls as inspiration. What is not to love for me?

Lorelai: A character with a witty or sarcastic sense of humour: There are probably many, but the only one I can think of is, Cath Fangirl. And I don’t even think she’s all that sarcastic, but she came to mind and so I’m rolling with it.
Rory: Favourite classic: I remain such a sucker for Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen.
Luke: A book you secretly love, but are afraid to admit: I don’t think I’m all that ashamed of any book that I’ve ever read because I don’t really believe in that sort of thing, so I don’t think I have any answer.
Lane: A musical character: Why can’t I think of a single musical character that I have encountered? Have I ever encountered one? I cannot remember. No one is springing to mind…No one at all. That cannot be right. That seems so unlikely a truth…but I think it might be. Damn.
Dean: Your first book love (character or book you first loved): The first book that I full on fell in love with was Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson. It started all of this and I’m grateful for that.
Sookie: A book you’ve devoured: I have devoured so many books in my time. The whole Anna and the French Kiss trilogy, Stephanie Perkins though comes to mind. I think I read that last book in about 3 hours. 
Jess: A book you love, that gets the most hate: I don’t tend to pay that much attention to what other people say about books, I don’t pay attention to reviews or anything. If I like a book then I like it, if I don’t I don’t.
Miss Patty: A book that was ruined by the hype: I read the first Twilight book before the hype really took off and then it did what it did and I felt that  
Emily Gilmore: An expensive book: The most expensive book I’ve bought recently was the leatherbound edition of the Complete Works of Shakespeare. I don’t even care though, it’s beautiful and Shakespeare.
Paris: An uptight character: The first one that comes to mind is actually Alec Lightwood, just because he was the last one I encountered.

And that’s another book tag done.

Parentheses count: 0. See you tomorrow!


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What is currently on your mind?

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So I may have told a small untruth, in that in actual fact I hit a wall with what I was going to post again and decided to change the idea again so it’s still in a half finished state and I’m working on it. I’m not gonna give a date that it might actually show up because I don’t have one it would appear given how often I keep changing the damn idea.

But anyway, the post today is pretty self explanatory.

What is currently on your mind?

Well I am currently writing this while watching the One Love Manchester concert and it is making me feel some kind of way. On some level for that reason the last couple of weeks have been a tad intense for a multitude of reasons and on some level there is just anger bubbling away under the surface.

Underneath that there is also this never ending cycle of anxiety that seems to be just plaguing me right now and just when I think it has passed it hits me all over again and I’m in this weird doomsville with it all which is started to get really frustrating. And then that frustration in and of itself makes it worse and I would just very much like to not be in my own head for a little while. Alas, I am taking comfort in meditation and exercise to just try and keep things a little bit more settled.

Then there is the part of me that is prepping for the work week ahead. Which is what it is. Work has finally stopped draining me so much because my mindset has finally improved a bit which felt like it took a decade, but that was related to the earlier thing. But it’s still draining. Mainly because as the weather warms up the office becomes some kind of sauna and that kind of heat just makes a person feel tired anyway.

Other than that, I am currently sleeping kind of well, which a part of me is suspicious about because well I’m me. And I’m also sort of looking ahead to the rest of the week and all the various things I need to do on different days of the week (and figure out at what point of the day I am actually going to go to a polling station on Thursday). And I’m also wondering just how long I’ve had a face mask on my face because it’s flaking off and I feel like that’s a sign that it’s been on too long…

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!


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50 Questions

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I stumbled across this post idea on this lovely little blog, Colour Me Clueless a couple of days ago and well it’s been a while since I’ve done a tag like this so I figured I would give it a whirl, because I don’t think I’ve done this before (and it was easier to do than to put into words what today’s post was potentially going to be, I just need time with it. Tomorrow.)

1. Are you a morning or night person? Night. I am so nocturnal that it almost hurts.

2. Which do you prefer, sweet or salty foods? You know, about 6 months ago I would have said sweet, but now it’s all over the place.

3. Ninjas or pirates? Pirates.

4. Who would you /hate/ spending a day alone with? Why? There are a lot of people to be honest.

5. Auto bots or Decepticons? Decepticons…oops.

6. What was your favourite childhood television program? I had so many. I watched a shit ton of Power Rangers and Pokemon as well. I have a younger brother, it informed a lot of our television choices.

7. Are you a collector of anything? What? No, not really. Unless you count books.

8. If you could be any animal, what would you be? I’m currently looking at my dog who has been asleep for ages after he exhausted himself destroying a toy. And he gets a lot of fuss made of him all the time and he gets long runs and he gets all the treats.

9. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? I am somehow very lazy so if I could just teleport myself places that would be great, because if I could do that then I could sleep for an extra hour in the morning, maybe even more.

10. What is usually your first thought when you wake up? Don’t close your eyes again because you might fall straight back to sleep.

11. What do you usually think about right before falling asleep? I usually remember something I forgot to do at work that day, or wonder how the hell it’s almost 2am again (on the weekends).

12. What’s your favourite colour? Black.

13. What’s your favourite animal? Giraffes.

14. Do you believe in extraterrestrials or life on other planets? Hell yeah I do.

15. Do you believe in ghosts? I think I might do.

16. Ever been addicted to a video/computer game? Which one(s)?  Nope, although I became mildly obsessed with Best Fiends a couple of weeks ago. That has now passed.

17. You’re given 1 million dollars, what do you spend it on? Going to DisneyWorld and moving out of home.

18. Have any bad habits? I really need to stop cracking my fucking knuckles and I jiggle my leg a lot.

19. Which bad habits, if any, drive you crazy? Loud chewing.

20. List 3 of your best personality traits: Patience, Resilience and Intelligence.

21. List 3 of your worst personality traits: I am indecisive as hell, I talk way too fast I’ve realised and I’m probably a bit too quiet.

22. Have any celebrity crushes? Yeah.

23. List 1 thing you wish you could change about yourself: At this point, not a lot. I’m good

24. Any tattoos or piercings? Describe! Not yet.

25. What’s the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? Height

26. What personality traits do you look for in a partner? Sense of humour, not being an idiot/dickhead.

27. What personality traits do you dislike in a partner? Not being honest.

28.   Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years? Unlikely.

29. Are you mostly a clean or messy person? It’s an organised mess, yes that’s a thing.

30. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? New York

31. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? Right now, Italy.

32. List 5 goals on your life’s to-do list: Move out of home, get a Masters, write this damn book, get better at save money and travel more.

33. Name 1 regret you have: Not actually working that hard in my Spanish A Level. I failed it twice, it still bothers me.

34. Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid: Not having to work.

35. Name 1 thing you love about being an adult: Independence.

36. What’s your favourite song of the moment? I am really into There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, Shawn Mendes right.

37. What’s your favourite song of all time? Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls or also Jeff Buckley’s version of Hallelujah makes me feel some kind of way.

38. What’s your favourite thing to do on a Saturday night? I am so boring, I literally just sit at home and watch shit on Netflix. Sometimes I get a life and eat and drink cocktails.

39. What’s your favourite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon? Oh it’s pretty much the same as Saturday. I spend my weekends recharging and getting ready for the week.

40. Have any hidden talents? I have a shit ton of sports knowledge knocking about in this head of mine.

41. You’re about to walk the green mile, what do you have as your last meal? Pizza, chips and ice cream.

42. What would be your dream job? Writer.

43. Which would you rather have, 100 million dollars or true love? Love, I suppose.

44. If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be? I honestly do not know, the pressure of only having 3 is too much, I am sure I would waste on something stupid and then some of the other things that I might be inclined to wish for would be dumb, because if I just worked a bit harder than I would earn them and that would be more satisfying anyway.

45. Ever wish you were born the opposite sex? If so, why? Sometimes, but then not really.

46. Name 1 thing not many people know about you: Oh most people actually know very little about me.

47. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? Lily, which was an original option for my name anyway.

48. Do you believe in the afterlife? Nope.

49. On the topic of politics, how do you feel about cookies? I’m more of a biscuit girl myself.

50. Say an answer to an unasked question (without telling us the question!). 7 minutes.

And those are 50 questions!

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!


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Summary Saturday

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I am currently still in bed and had only just remembered that I fell asleep earlier this morning without pulling this together…still not quite back in the routine of regular blogging again yet.

I’m gonna get out of bed imminently, and I don’t even really know why I slept for so long because I’ve been sleeping relatively okay recently, but there you go. I have a few errands to run and the such, so let me stop talking and start rounding up the week.

(Oh, by the way I know there was no May Playlist, but to be honest with you I pretty just listened to the same few songs and albums all month and they have all already featured in previous months, so it seemed sort of pointless. Anyway.)

The First Date Book Tag

2017 Reading Challenge, Book 27 – City of Heavenly Fire

Self Care

Writing Sanctuary

Queen of Procrastinating

And that’s the week.

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!


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The First Date Book Tag

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It is Friday but this is not a creative piece because I’m not fully happy with where it was going and so I scrapped the idea of it and am going to start again. I’m gonna keep it fun and do a tag that I saw over on YouTube at this here very lovely location.

It’s about books, just in case the title didn’t give it away.

1. The awkward first date – a book where something felt off. It wasn’t a bad book, but lacked that spark for you.

Alice, Christina Henry. It started off great but by the time I finished it I was left with a ‘was that it?’ feeling. It was good, I liked it, but it I just felt like there was room for more.

2. The cheap first date – book that turned out less than you expected

Having a quick look through my Goodreads ‘Read’ shelf, the first one that came up was The Miniaturist,  Jessie Burton. It wasn’t bad and it was beautifully written, but yeah I just expected more from it.
3. Well-prepared first date – better than expected

American Gods, Neil Gaiman. I mean I had high hopes for it because it’s Gaiman and I love him and almost all of his work, but this was somehow better than any expectation that I had.
4. Hot but dumb – pretty book, not so hot on the inside

Listen I buy so many damn books because of the cover I feel like this list could on for decades. The first one that I truly noticed was Looking for Alaska, John Green. I read that book around about the time that I fell out of love with John Green’s work and that reflected my opinion on it.
5. Blind date – book you picked up not knowing anything about it

Again, I do this loads. The first one that I can think of that I totally loved, was The Rosie Project, Graeme Simsion. Honestly I cannot recommend that book enough.
6. Speed dating – book you read super fast

Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher. I read it in about 2 hours in the end. I loved it so much (find out how much here)

7. The rebound – a book you read too soon after a book hangover and it kind of ruined the book for you

I mean…Moby Dick maybe. I have attempted to read that book twice now at times when it just wasn’t going to happen and have failed both times. And I do truly think I cannot stand it, but I also think the timing of when I’ve gone to read it has affected that as well.

8. Overly enthusiastic date – a book that felt like it was trying too hard

Holding Up the Universe, Jennifer Niven and Our Chemical Hearts, Krystal Sutherland. They were just too cliche for my liking.

9. The perfect first date – book that did everything right for you

Oh there are so many of them. But given that I have already mentioned one of my favourite ever books earlier in this post it seems only fitting that I include the other. The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern is just one of the most visually stunning books that I have ever read. It just ticked all the boxes.

10. Humiliating first date – book you’re embarrassed to admit you liked/ embarrassed to see reading in public for whatever reason

I gotta be honest, at the moment I’m mildly embarrassed to be reading Cassandra Clare’s books on trains and the like. But for the most part I don’t really care about that sort of thing.

And that’s this bookish tag done. Give it a try if you fancy!

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!



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2017 Reading Challenge, Book 26 – City of Heavenly Fire

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Yes, I have skipped a number. Book 25 was Beautifull Cassandra by Jane Austen because I knew I was going to finish Lost Souls in the morning and I didn’t want to spend a half hour on a train without anything to read and so I slipped it into my bag. I really enjoyed it. It was a side of Austen that I had never encountered and it was a really enjoyable one. I laughed a lot during it which I didn’t expect. There were parts of it that I truly had to stop reading just to digest the comedy aspects of it because it was so unlike the Austen that I know and mostly love.

That book brought me to the half way point with this year’s reading challenge which is good, but that is not the book that I am going to talk about.

The book in question is, surprise surprise:

2017 Reading Challenge, Book 26, City of Heavenly Fire

2017 Reading Challenge, Book 26, City of Heavenly Fire

The good news is is that I am now finished with this particular series of books. The bad news is that I have gone straight through to The Infernal Devices so there are more of these reviews coming that may or may not be all that favourable. But let’s just talk about this book shall we?

Unsurprisingly I wasn’t a fan. It just went on a bit and then it all seemed a bit anti-climatic at the end. And also, just when you think it had ended it still had about 100 pages left to go, which I know was mostly to do with the fact that loose ends had to be tied up, but for the most part it just went on a bit.

So, the things I did like. Alec actually got feelings and did something of use which was surprising given how little he had gotten in on the action in the previous 5 books, that cold hearted killing of the faerie was maybe the first time I actually liked him in the whole series so far and then it just sort of continued to be an upward trend with my liking of his character. It only took 5 and a half books…

Simon. He turned out to be my favourite character and the most interesting throughout the whole series and I liked his arc for the most part. It remained a bright spark (except for that thing where he dated Maia and Izzy at the same time and then I just read in confusion because that seemed incredibly out of character). His relationship with Izzy developing was good enough…although I didn’t like the way it felt that that was all that Izzy had for the majority of the latter half. Her relationship. And I know that she did do other things, but for the most part the only time she truly ‘came out of her shell’ was when she was with Simon or when she was talking about Simon.

But sticking to things that I like, for which there is only one and it was more amusing than anything. Jace, whilst on a mission to demon realm trying to save his world from almost certain destruction still remembered to bring condoms with him…although actually Jace was kind of amusing at parts as well and I liked that. So, maybe there were two things left.

The things I disliked were far more extensive, but I’m only going to focus on one because it drove me insane. Sebastian.

Just him as a character.

Now, I love me a villain. Villains makes fantasy entertainment go around. Everything needs a villain of some kind. And Sebastian had the makings of a fucking great villain. But he was so weirdly obsessed with being in actual love with his sister that it drove me fucking mad. It was like where one (unnecessary) incest plot ended another one began with even more ferocity than the first one. For no reason. No actual legitimate reason. None. And there were moments of brilliance with him and parts where he really shone as a villain, but it was mostly hidden underneath all these layers of incest that I just couldn’t cope with.

And then there was his death where for some reason an attempt at redemption was made. Why I do not know. (Well, actually on some level I do, I’m an English graduate, seeing various interpretations of the same text is something that I almost literally have a degree in). But it just all seemed pointless. I think I was supposed to feel something like sadness for Jocelyn and Clary but in actual fact I was just like, die. You’re done. The end is now here, no need to draw it out. It was just another layer of frustration attached to this whole series.

I’m trying (and evidently failing) to not be totally negative so I am not going to continue with the other things I wasn’t a fan of in this book…for which there were a lot now that I really think about it.

Look, I would maybe just about recommend reading the first three books of this series. But that’s about it. I mean you do you in terms of reading, but I wouldn’t say that these should be high up on your list of books to read…


Only 3 more books left.

2/5 stars

Parentheses count: 4. See you tomorrow!


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