My Life

Shutting Down

Hi, Hey, Hello!

First of all, that title makes the contents of this post sound way more dramatic than it actually will be, but titles have never been my strong suit and so that’s how this post came to me and so it stuck to save me the hassle, and believe me thinking of a new title would be a lot of hassle…

Basically, there are currently 3 ideas for things in my head. All 3 of them have at least 5,000 words to their non-name. All 3 of them are at the same point in terms of plot (because endings are straight up the thing that I am worst at…actually no titles are…maybe, it’s a close call between the two). All 3 of them have potential I feel in some capacity and I am excited to dive into all of them in due course.

The problem is I can’t decide which one I currently want to dedicate my time to and so instead of making any kind of forward progress in any of them I have just halted all production and totally shut down (that sentence right there is the reason for the title).

And it’s been about 3 weeks now and it’s started to annoy me marginally. I feel like I am being mocked by the millions of notebooks that I own that are currently existing behind me with loads of ideas and stuff already written pages in them that have nothing happening to them right now because every time I even so much look at a page I just receive nothing in return.

That is what is happening right now. I’m there on the brink of getting things done creatively and then when I go to put them onto the paper they disappear again. And so I try and move onto a different one but that has the same problem, so I end up in some kind of cycle. One that I have yet to break. Which is starting to get frustrating because I don’t know how to break it. I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing seems to be working and the fact that I can’t break it in itself is making me just shut down more. And the cycle seems to be getting worse.

Which is also now slowly starting to affect this blog. I’m good for at least a couple of weeks right now, I hope, but I can see it on the horizon. So I am currently holding out hope that before that happens that I have rebooted that part of my brain again and am back to getting shit done. I will. I know I will. And I’m curious to know what it will be that will finally boost the signal to that again…whichever it is, I will love it for forever and will put the other big thing to bed for a while so that I can claim my sanity and my creativity.

Oh, I also I fear that it is starting to creep into my reading habits right now because the thought of reading all these completed books that people actually managed to put onto paper and into the world is making me irrationally angry. I had a good January and yes that was partly because I had the first off and more time, but also I was just in the mood to read all the time and it feels like it is on the brink of teetering off…and I’m on a roll and don’t want that. So, yeah.

Here’s to all the hoping. (Seriously though creativity, please come back soon, I need you and I miss you.)

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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