Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 6

Dear Autumn,

I was just minding my own business on Monday when I clicked on my little notifications button in the top right corner and was informed that I have had this little space on the internet for 5 years now.

Half a decade.

This blog was borne out of a university society. It was part of the project for that year or something and it was hardly used. There was no real name for it and the posting was sporadic. I was terrified to push publish every single time my cursor hung over the button. I chickened out of it a lot. I’ve hated this blog and I’ve almost abandoned it oh so many times.

But most of all I’ve loved this thing I’ve created.

It’s almost like a journal in some ways, not in that it is always super personal or anything, although I know it can be, but in the way it chronicles who I am as a writer. Or what my interests were at any given point. It’s a bit weird when I think about it like that, because it wasn’t what I intended this place to be.

I don’t really know what I intended it to be, but it wasn’t this. I didn’t think I would care that much about this. I didn’t think I would feel guilty about not posting or that I would start to push myself to do more on here. I didn’t think that I would invest money in it, or that I would spend so much time painstakingly designing a logo, and still not be happy with it. I didn’t even think it would make it out of uni. I just kind of didn’t think about it. It was a uni project that I let fall away really quickly because the time that I started it was not a good time.

But for whatever reason I didn’t let that happen.

And now, here I am a little bit over 5 years later and it’s still going. And I’m falling a little bit more in love with it as time passes on. I’ve come to enjoy posting on here, even when I kind of hate it…

Love,

 

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My Life

Talking About It

Hi, Hey, Hello!

Here’s a fun (not really) fact about me.

I don’t mention ever that I write/have a blog. I mean not officially anyway. Like I don’t really go around talking about it. It’s not that I think they would be surprised to find out that I do write because clearly on some level I like words (what with the English degree) and I’m known to read a lot, but they don’t know.

And it’s not even like I’m trying to keep it a secret or anything, because I’m not. That would be ridiculous. But it’s just not something I bring up. I think it’s because in some way this blog is a form of catharsis for me and it coming with a wonderful community is just  by product. Also, even though my face is attached to it and everything (through choice) there is a sense of anonymity attached to it.

I know there are people that I know in my actual life and see on a semi regular basis (aka daily) that have read some stuff on here and that’s fine. I mean I told them about it, like I said it’s not a secret and if you ask about it then I’ll tell you no problem, I’m proud of this little corner of the internet I’ve created. But there is something a little bit odd about knowing that someone I know has read something on here. If only because the person I am in life is slightly different to the person that I am in here. Not hugely because creating that much of a persona is insane and sounds exhausting.

But, I ramble a lot more about things on here that I love and get in depth into this, especially when it comes to books, which you can’t really do in person because sometimes people get bored. Also, the only way for me to become a better writer is to actually write and so doing this (this being blogging) helps with that. And my actual creative writing pieces are very much all over the place and can give you a slight insight into my mind. Doing it all on here is just easier. It’s a form of experimentation for me. An outlet.

I don’t really know if this post had a point, it’s just the other day someone I work with noticed me making a slight amendment to a post (because proof reading properly sometimes still alludes me) and asked me about it and it dawned on me that I don’t necessarily mention it at all. But then once they got me started on it I talked about it for ages (it wasn’t that long really, like 2 minutes). And then it made me think about the way I interact with my blog and with my life (not that they aren’t the same, but in my head this sentiment makes sense) and how they don’t necessarily correlate in the way that you would expect.

I don’t know, it just something that I’ve been thinking about since the back end of last week and why I’m still mostly fine to talk and ramble about shit on here but then I won’t draw attention to it to some people in my actual life and why that is.

Am I the only one who finds that I do this? Happily upkeeps a blog and talks about it when it comes up organically or whatever, but doesn’t openly talk about it otherwise?

Parentheses count: 8. See you tomorrow!


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