My Life

Alright, Let’s Do This

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All the way back in October (I think, it was around the for sure I guess, it had to be before November at least) I declared my intentions to attempt Nano last month.

And so I went in with the best of intentions and had all these plans and all that jazz and then like clockwork, and seriously there was a part of me that always expected this to happen, I lost all motivation.

All of it.

Any creative buzz I felt buzzing underneath my skin and settling into my bones in the months prior to that just faded away without a trace.

I got just under 6,000 words.

And they all happened within the first week.

I think.

I kind of lost track of it all to be honest.

All I know is that after about two weeks I did not look at the document once.

It was open, I cast a glance to the tab pretty much every day. I looked at the website a couple of times after that (I think). I just sort of fell all the way off the wagon.

In the past when I’ve done that I have felt super guilty because I felt like it’s just a month of my life and it’s just 50,000 words. If I got into a habit with it then really doing that many words a day isn’t really that hard. I do that usually anyway what with writing posts up for here and everything. But I just don’t do that when it comes to Nano.

I have done a couple of times, but for the most part I just go in relatively blind which is kind of pointless. And I spend a lot of time playing catch up. Which is exactly as difficult as you think it would be. Rolling word counts are a bitch. They are my enemy. We do not get along.

And we really fell out this year.

I kind of didn’t care.

I didn’t feel bad about it.

Work got stressful last month and it’s still stressful. I found myself falling into Netflix binges and YouTube vortexes, I spent a lot of time writing blog posts instead and working out and reading and all that other stuff.

And I didn’t look at the document at all after a while. And I didn’t care.

The desire has not yet returned to start writing again. I’m mainly just focusing on keeping on top of things and finishing up that reading list of mine, which I am still currently on track with and for some reason am still surprised by.

But I’m not worried about it.

I’ve realised that I’ve come to a point with things where I just accept that sometimes the desire is there and sometimes it hibernates. I’ve just got to go with it and not stress about it because that makes it all the worse and that benefits no-one, especially me.

I will look at the document at some point and I will address the fact that I currently have two different novels on the go and neither of them have fully formed plots as of yet, the middles are just kind of murky. I will get to that.

I don’t know when. But I will…

Parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!

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Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 28

Dear Autumn,

Remember that fucking story that I kept talking about and kept saying how I wanted to work on it next month for NaNo?

Yeah, I do too.

And yet at some point on Thursday morning I got hit with this new idea. One that seemed to hum away and not leave me alone for the whole day. It wasn’t one of those ideas that I had, thought might have been a good idea and then let it slip into the mess that is my thoughts. No it was one of those ideas that stuck.

That decided that it might maybe have some legs to run with. And it is completely different to the original thing that I am STILL working on…

Where is has come from, I honestly could not tell you. Well, maybe I could, but I didn’t think it would get the mental momentum that it did. And I find myself trying to just push it to the back burner because I have whole other thing that I want to focus on, but it’s just there.

Niggling away at me to the point where I am now apparently going to spend my weekend planning it out. And I mean starting from the bulbs that need planting in order to see some roots grow and flowers bloom kind of planning out. There are no real characters here bar the one who started this whole mess.

I don’t know where or when it’s set. I have a vague idea of what the fucking plot is. But it’s super vague. It’s not even a backbone. It’s like one femur (is that the one in you leg… or your arm. I could Google it. I should Google it) and then one of those tiny bones in your foot or ear. It’s almost nothing. I don’t know who any of the characters there are. Or how many there are. I don’t even know how old these people are.

It’s mildly terrifying that I seem to be itching to do this.

But then I’m also kind of excited about it…I’ve gone mad.

Love,

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Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 11

Dear Autumn,

Sometimes, it turns out, my sporadic nature works for the better without my even realising it.

On Monday night, while I was not scrolling endlessly through Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram I found myself clicking over onto my scheduled posts here on my blog. And well, there are a lot of November posts with titles just waiting to be written because for the most part all the groundwork is there. They are books that I need to review and some other little bookish things that only require the knowledge that is in my head.

And well, I found myself starting to write them.

I didn’t really think much of it at first, I needed something constructive to do with my time and it seemed like it would be more productive than trying to read with my tired eyes (somehow staring at my laptop screen was better for those very eyes once I had switched to night mode) and not take anything in properly.

Then I realised that if I end up with most of the month’s posts written it is one less thing to worry about having to write come the month itself (which isn’t actually as far away as I would like it to be, for a reason that will become apparent shortly). The most I would have to worry about is sharing the posts on the days that they were posted.

And the reason that it is important is because I am crazy enough to think that attempting NaNo this year is a good idea. Now I am a total pantser when it comes to this endeavour. I never really go in with a plan. In fact in the cases of a couple of years I didn’t even really go in with a solid idea. This year feels a bit different in that respect.

For one I’m being a total rebel and working on something that already has a solid almost 16,000 words to it’s name (not that it actually has a name, but you know what I mean) which means that it is something that already has legs with me. Because of that, and secondly, it means that I am just treating November as a way to bolster my word count. If I can bolster it by 50,000 words then great. If I can’t then that’s also fine, I will just be happy that I managed to get it up by at all. Because unlike before this isn’t an idea that I just came up with for the sake of the month and thought it might work and I should try and write 50,000 words on it with no real direction. This is something that has sat with me for a while and that I keep coming back to. And in my head it has a clear direction, I just need to actually get it down onto paper and really flesh out all the details.

Which is what I am using November to do. And I guess to allow myself the best chance of success my brain was like, ‘hey you should really write some of November’s posts up so you don’t have to then’. And so, while I’ve got some time to truly dedicate to that (as well as reading and just enjoying being by the ocean again) I am going to do just that.

Love,

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My Life

NaNoWriMo – The Final Update

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So, NaNoWriMo is over given that today is now the first day of a new (and final) month and so I guess I am due a second update on that whole writing 50,000 words in a month thing.

The short answer is I didn’t do it.

I didn’t update my word count once. I don’t even think I went on the website at any point beyond the first of the month.

In fact from what the basis of my story was, which stood at just over 24,000 words I have lost words.

That’s how the month had gone. And it’s basically gone that way because i have just reached peak procrastination levels recently. I go into weekends with the best of intentions and then by the time Sunday night rolls around I have almost nothing to show for it except for a new programme or film that can now be crossed off my list. That’s it. And it’s made all the more annoying by the fact that I have ideas. I have trails of thoughts that are half formed sentences and could actually slot into the overall narrative just fine if I ever actually bothered to get them out onto a piece of paper. But I don’t, so they just stay in my head and so far have yet to make it into the world and mean that there is for the most part no forward progression on the damn thing.

I’m not all that fussed about the fact that I have come no where close to finishing this thing for the first time in 4 years. This isn’t the first time that I haven’t finished and whereas the times previously when I haven’t finished have felt awful, this one doesn’t seem to phase me. I mean to an extent I am slightly disappointed but for the most part I’m very whatever about it.

Over the next few days I’m going to actually tie up the loose ends that I have, just so that I can stop talking about it and then I am going to try and get some of the things in my head out onto paper so that I can free up some space in my brain for some other things and maybe that way I can actually somehow get to a point where I have written an extra 50,000 words. And then written some more words to actually have something that could be considered a complete first draft and get ready to edit it again and repeat the process again.

So that’s my update. I failed in the most epic of fashions this NaNoWriMo and wrote a grand total of 0 words.

Ah well. How did those who did take the task on last month do?

Parentheses count: 1. See you at the weekend!

 

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Summary Saturday

Summary Saturday

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I for one am happy that it is the weekend right now. I had a terrible night’s sleep last night and then for some reason after nearly 2 months of being mostly fine my anxiety decided it wanted to sky rocket and that shit is draining. And so yeah, these two days where I can try and get it back together are much needed. Sleep, seeing Fantastic Beasts, eating (always) and watching something on Netflix is on the agenda.

Enough ramblings, this week on the blog only included one book review and all of this:

Letters to Autumn: The 2016 Edition

2016 Reading Challenge Book 29 – The Host

NaNoWriMo Update

Here’s the Thing

Snapshot 49

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

NaNoWriMo Update

Hi, Hey, Hello!

So, we are in the middle of the month and as I have suggested multiple times I am attempting NaNo this month and well…that’s not really happening all that much to be honest.

I haven’t updated my word count once.

In fact, if anything I have lost part of initial total word count (because I am being a rebel this year…what what!?). I mean I have added stuff to the story but it came at the cost of losing a bunch of other shit that suddenly became totally irrelevant and so had to go. I actually have a clear idea as to what I want from it and am watching this thing shape into something that I am actually liking now. Which just further reinforces the idea that all first drafts are shit.

What’s exciting about this though is that at some point I will have a complete first draft that I can then tweak and alter and turn into something that I am actually, maybe, possibly a little bit proud of. I mean I am a fair distance away from getting to that stage. Like so far away from that stage. I’m hovering over 20,000 words right now. There is no way that I am writing 50,000 new words that aren’t an edit on an existing version in 15 days. There just isn’t. Unless I somehow get hit with a massive wave of inspiration and hours in which I do not get distracted or start procrastinating, which knowing me is just not going to happen.

I will get somewhere with it because I have been hit by a wave of inspiration with this and am rolling with it so there will be some forward movement just not ya know 50,000 words of it.

And to be honest I am totally fine with that. A year ago I so would not have been. I would have been frantically trying to pull any word imaginable out of the air and put it onto a piece of paper just to bulk it all out whether it was anything close to decent or not.

But not this year. Which probably tells you all you need to know about my mental state this year as opposed to last (better, much better).

So I will check back in at the end of the month with another update of the rest of the month. I mean there will be some kind of forward movement between now and then at some point I hope, but otherwise this month is kind of a write off in terms of NaNo.

Anywho, parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!

 

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