My Life

Checkpoint 5

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This check in is late I think…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I honestly cannot figure out the timings of it. I’m pretty sure it’s late. It should have happened last month but November was otherwise engaged and so it has to open December, which is gonna be festive-ish I guess. I’m not a big Christmas person until it gets to about the 20th and then I’m over it come the 27th. That’s it, you kinda get festive me for about a week, but during that week I go hardLike, I wear a Christmas jumper every day and always buy a new one to wear on the day.

This is kind of festive themed I guess. I mean it’s terrifyingly reaching the end of the year and this is the time where people start looking back at what they had intended to do for the year and seeing whether they’ve achieved it or not. This isn’t quite closing out the whole year because I wrote it up when it was supposed to be written but have only just had an opening to post it, the final check in will come some time in January when I do a 2018 version of this, but this is the last comprehensive update of the year. So without further ado:

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – There’s not really much more that I can do with this one. I had my second haircut of the year back in July and I am due another one in January (hell yeah perks of having hair that only needs two haircuts a year). I continue to wash, condition and deep condition my hair each week. Which is arguably kind of pointless given that during this season so far (meaning winter) and the fact that I work out 5 times a week it spends most of its time tied up. But it remains moisturised and there is some length coming to it and it’s plodding along. Leave in conditioners are my friends and I’m always trying new shampoos and new hair masks. I’m kind of done with this one. It’s become a habit at this point.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin –  Okay, so I have moved away from Lush products since the last check in. This happened mainly so I could see what Glossier hype was all about. I’ve got a full post coming about this later this week but it’s come with a new cleanser, moisturiser and sunscreen. My skin is looking less oily which is good, but the breakouts are still there and I can’t quite figure out why they are happening. I really need to get back to cleaning my face with Dark Angels once a week again for an extra exfoliating kick mid week but I keep forgetting. I mean I’m not treating my skin badly or anything, it’s just decided to go through a second puberty.

3) Tone The Hell Up – Look at some point in October my diet fell to shit and for some reason it now ebbs and flows. I’m not beating myself up about or anything and I kind of make up for it by regularly working out and stuff so I don’t feel bad about it or anything, but I really need to start shaping up with that again. Diet is like half the battle with this one. The exercise is routine now. It happens 5 times a week, I do cardio twice a week, I lift once a week, I do some bodyweight stuff that is basically just planks and squats and I do barre because nothing burns quite like the barre burn. Physically I have baby biceps that come out to play now and I can lift weights now which is changing things slightly and like, I have the hints of abs and my legs are hella toned. Did I do that for the aesthetics? Hell no. I did it to get stronger, to get moving, to help cope with my every day stresses and just really sweat the day away. But the aesthetics of it isn’t a bad thing. We’re approaching Christmas at this point, and while I’m not going to go crazy I’m kind of not naive enough to think that I’m going to completely overhaul my diet in amongst alllll the food. So this will trickle over into a 2018 goal.

4) Start Saving Properly –  Look, this has not gone well this year. It just hasn’t. But I think this is good. It’s forced me to really assess the whole situation properly and truly look at better ways to be saving money and how to get everything under control. So yeah, this has failed. In so many damn ways. But it can only go up from here.

5) Get Better Organised – The diary I bought does get used. But again, it remains super sporadic. It’s habit that I’v never had before and trying to get into one is proving hard for me. I’m choosing Sundays as the day where I sit down and just plan things out. And then I need to keep referring to it. In a similar way to how I do a face mask every Sunday and go through the hair washing process on a Monday, I just need to form a habit of it. And I have the motivation for it, so it’s getting there.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – I’ve learned this year that I need to not force this. I need to just let it do what it wants to do. And some days it wants to write 3,000 words in a day and others it wants to write 0. I need to learn to fall into this and not feel bad or feel like a failure when I don’t. I also need to not just let myself fall into a habit where I do not write anything for days on end. It’s just kind of frustrating the way it works, but I need to stop worrying about that. I also think that I am going to start making a habit of just writing for half an hour each night, and not just for this blog but outside of it. It’s just half an hour and yeah sometimes that half hour will fly by in a flurry or words and sometimes it won’t. I just need to roll with it and not fight it. My NaNo attempt was behind from day 2 and it sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world and realising that lifted a huge weight that I hadn’t even known I was carrying.  So yeah, I have written more and I’ve also not, but this is a ongoing thing for me and I have written a lot of stuff so I consider it a win.

And that is the 5th and final full check in for my 2017 goals for the year. Some have been good, some have been truly ignored and nothing has come from them. Some of them are ongoing beyond just this year and this was just the foundation for them.

Parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!

 

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Letters to Autumn, My Life

Letters to Autumn 26

Dear Autumn,

You remember that diary that I bought some time over the summer?

Yeah, to be honest I almost forgot about it too. I schlepped the thing all the way to bloody Filey with me and it never even left the bag that I put it in. I’ve been doing that a lot with it. Just taking it places and then forgetting about it.

I keep having good intentions with it. It’s my great bid to become more organised after all. But then I kind of lose those intentions somewhere along the way. I don’t even really know where it goes, it just goes missing momentarily.

And then on Sunday I got hit with another wave of motivation to get to this thing and became the kind of person that plans the minutiae of her life. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but I did write down all the little tasks that I wanted to get done over the course of week and assigned them to a day. I then tried to hold myself accountable for that.

The majority of the things that I wanted to get done were and are writing related. I have a lot of book reviews to write for next month and I want to be as on top of it as I can be so that I only have one focus for next month for the most part. I’ve been doing relatively well with this so far, mainly because I have a reason to be trying to be as productive as possible this last full week of October (what the fuck by the way?). Also ideally I want to spend the last two days of this month getting some prep done for the next 30 days. You know like actually have a plan of some sort and not go in totally blind like I have done for 16,000 words so far.

My aim is to get to 70,000 words with this thing by year’s end. And I can’t do that without a plan.

So the diary is back and I’ve started writing down all the things that I actually need to do because putting down onto paper means that I can see it practically and it doesn’t just bounce around in my head as a vague idea to maybe actually do. The task is written down and it has a date. I’m being held accountable for it.

And for the most part, so far it seems like this diary is proving practical and useful.

Result.

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My Life

…Organised?

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I had a goal for the month. I wrote about it on here and bought a new diary and everything.

The goal was simple: get more organised.

Somehow this month ran away from me at cheetah’s pace and it’s now pretty the end of the month and I don’t really have anything to show for it.

I have opened the diary.

I have stared at the pretty pages and read the quotes that are at the top of the page for each week. I have marveled at it and all the possibilities that it holds. I have even written in it.

But for the most part I’ve written in it retrospectively. I’ve sat there on a Sunday and just thought about the week and what I did and then just written it all down to make the week look busy.

I was originally going to approach this a little bit like a bullet journal, and I still will (because yes, I am determined to make this a habit this time), and just make quick notes about tasks I need to do and other events that might be worth noting and all that jazz, but I guess because I am not in the habit of that it’s just not really happening.

I tried to carry my shiny new diary with me but I just kept forgetting about it so it didn’t really add anything to my day to day life. I didn’t refer to it at all throughout the day which means that carrying it around was kind of pointless. And so then I took it out and now I just sort of don’t refer to it as much.

In fact it has just sat on my living room table for the past week or so and I’ve not opened it. But I want to.

The difference between this instance and all the other countless attempts is the intention. I mean yes I kind of bought the diary because it’s very aesthetically pleasing, but it is also for the first time kind of holding me accountable to get my shit together.

It’s nowhere near as together as I would like it to be, but I feel like come the next check in I do for my goals this year that there may actually be something to report on regarding this particular one..watch this space.

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My Life

One Goal

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As I mentioned on Friday, the majority of this month will be a bit all over the place and some might be prompt based. This will be one of those and the prompt is: ‘Share one goal you want to achieve this month’

I actually do actively want to get better organised. I know this is a goal that I have set up for the year and as you can probably gather I have been doing terribly. Just truly awful. I am on some level just terrified of making lists and all that jazz. It’s just I have this irrational fear that once I put it down into words then I am going to freak myself out and shut down and therefore trying to become organised would become null and void.

So that is my goal for September.

To actually be able to say come that next check in that I have felt myself finally click with getting into a routine of being organised.

And because I am me and I am stationery fiend (seriously I have such a problem) I have also bought myself an 18 (it might be 17 month actually) month diary. It’s florally, it looks super pretty. It’s from my new fave place Ohh Deer which I have to pretend is not a site that exists otherwise it would just have all my money. And also because I am me, I’m waiting for it to arrive before I truly get my shit together and get physically organised so for the time being everything remains a mess.

My main reason for this being my goal is that what with the whole return to my blog and the clusterfuck it was before I took my extended break I am very aware that it would be sooooo easy for me to sort of fall off the wagon again and clobber together everything really last minute and I’m not naive enough to think that still won’t be the case, but if I can just manage my time a bit better then it shouldn’t feel like such a chore, which it did come about June.

I do not want to fall out of love with my blog again, and I don’t want to fall into a total state of apathy (which I am well at the risk of doing) and I want to feel like I am actually filling my time with doing things that are going to better me in some way. And currently I have a couple of things that I want to do and I need to manage my time with it all. And I need to be better organised for that.

I need to literally write it all down and make time slots or something. I think first I need to figure out what the hell being organised actually means to me. But it means that I need to start getting on board with lists and putting things down on paper so I can physically see them, rather than just hoping that my brain is going to remember it all.

So that’s my goal for the month of September, that hasn’t yet come into effect because I need the stationery to arrive first…

I’m speaking it into existence on a bigger level than I have before, I will report back to see if I’ve been successful in the endeavour.

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

8 Month Point

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I spent an awful long time trying to figure out when the hell the next one of these was due. I think in total there should be 6 in the year if I do one every 2 months, so I think I have worked it out that one is due now, one in late October/early November and then one at the end of the year. I think. Honestly I cannot figure it out, but I’m gonna roll with that and pretend that I’m not truly atrocious at maths. So, here’s another check in.

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – I got a trim at the end of July just to keep it fresh (and also to encourage it to grow a bit, the fact that my hair seems to just hover at shoulder length when dry while it is boob length wet is a tad annoying to me right now, but I’m embracing the curls and all that jazz) and that is obviously to keep it as healthy as possible. I also deep condition it once a week and make sure that it is slathered in conditioner at all points to keep it hydrated and bouncy and in good nick. This one has basically just become part of my day to day life with great ease and it’s in the best condition it’s been in in years.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin – I fear that I am going to have to change my skin care routine up a bit shortly because I keep having break outs and I do not know why. Sometimes it’s hormonal and that’s fine, but it’s when it’s not that it’s annoying. And also the hyperpigmentation on my face has just become even more obvious recently, which I think is just because I’ve got a tan over the past couple of months and so the dark marks look darker. I’ve recently added Vitamin E oil to my night time routine as well as tea tree oil to deal with the breakouts overnight and I think there has been a small change in the state of my skin, but they are small. So I’m in two minds about what to do with it. But while I still um and ah about it I am keeping up with my existing routine to try and keep the issues under control.

3) Tone The Hell Up – I took a whole week off and did whatever the hell I wanted while I was in Greece because I was on holiday and who the fuck cares. I then came back and jumped straight back into doing a lot of cardio, which is a big deal for me because I cut the hell back from cardio for a good 2/3 months and just did low impact work outs (that focused on stretching as well). I then got my diet back on track for the most part and am still making small changes to it to try and make it better because all the exercise that I am doing don’t mean shit if my diet is whack. I’m also going to try and get back into exercises that focus more on stretching (like yoga and pilates which I haven’t done in over a month now). Look, I like the way my body looks. I like that it’s a lot stronger than it used to be. I like that I don’t need to fake being confident in wearing certain things that I own and actually am now. I will walk around in a crop top/bralette and shorts and not feel super self conscious. I have some personal goals that I am working towards for the end of the year and I feel confident that I am going to achieve them. I feel good about myself and that’s what this goal for the year was all about. I hated myself for too long and had far too many bad habits and behaviours that were doing me damage in so many ways and I’ve changed a lot of them and actually feel good now. Plus exercise is doing wonders for my mental health and that can never be a bad thing.

4) Start Saving Properly – Listen, I spent so much money in August cos holiday and I went a bit into denial about how much money I actually spent. So to counteract that I am basically not spending money on anything except for a need to basis for the next couple of months. So things like food, toiletries, my gym membership and my monthly train ticket are still on the list and I’m not going to deprive myself of going out if the opportunity arises, but for the most part I’m cutting back on my spending. That’s not going to contribute to the saving thing, but it is going to put me back in a position where I can start saving properly. This whole goal has been a total clusterfuck, which to be honest is what I expected.

5) Get Better Organised – I mean I don’t even know what is happening here. For the most part, I am not better organised but then also I somehow am as well…there has honestly been no change. But there probably needs to be because as it stands I am due to get more creative projects in my life that I need to dedicate time to and keep on top of them all, so some change is going to have to happen. But then again, knowing me I also don’t think it will.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – This is happening. I have 14,000 words of a novel written that came fully into existence throughout August. Plus I have some other projects that require my creativity over the next few months so this one is actually all coming together. Which I am really happy about because my creativity abandoned me in a big way recently and so having it back is just really great.

And that brings me to the end of this little 2017 intentions update. Another one of these will be coming at some point…I think it’s November…we’ll see. There are 2 more left that much I know.

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

The Spring Clean

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This seems like an oddly timely post right now given that today (Monday…night technically as I write this but that’s a small point) felt distinctly spring like, I shucked the hoodie and the scarf for a bit, wore a blue floral shirt, got to wear my sunglasses and feel the sun on my face. The change of season is slowly starting to trickle its way into London and I’m not all that bad about it, which is weird because I am a winter baby through and through…

Anyway, in keeping with that theme of spring and change and all that jazz I’ve decided to be a massive cliche. The fact that this is happening now is mainly because I have been putting it off for so long because the mere thought of it fills me trepidation. Basically I am going to do some huge life admin, and by that I mean I am going to streamline the hell out of my wardrobe.

I spend far too much time right now shifting huge piles of clothes to find the very specific item of black clothing that I am looking for and in the process I find things that I had actually forgotten I owned. I also have far too much stuff in there that I impulse bought and then either wore once, or just never wore again. I have way too many fancy out out clothes for someone who knows how to dress up almost anything that I already own and wear on a regular basis and also someone who hasn’t been out out in nearly 3 years…

I need to go through it all and figure out what just has to be thrown away, what can be donated and what I want to keep. And it true new season cliche fashion now seems like the perfect time to do that. I mean I’m not gonna store away all my beloved winter knitwear or anything, because I live in London and you can go through all the seasons in the space of 20 minutes here, so being departed from them is actually a terrible idea. But I am going to organise them and decide if I really need them all, and also get rid of some of the Christmas jumpers that I own (seriously it happens once a year and I can only wear these jumpers then, and yet I own an excessive amount of these jumpers). I’m going to organise all my denim wear so I know where it all is and actually get some awareness of where all my t-shirts are. And all my gym wear. And I’m maybe gonna get better at hanging stuff up, I own a lot of shirts and have an aversion to the iron (or more accurately a lack of time in the time between me deciding what I am going to wear for the day and me leaving the house) that should be hung up to avoid creases and all that jazz. I need to sort the hell out of my underwear drawer (and also do a shit ton of hand washing…).

The more I talk about what I want to do, the more I realise that a) this can’t happen until I sort of the storage situation in my room (another reason that I’ve been putting it off for so long) and that b) this task won’t be quick. Especially when you take into consideration that I am massive procrastinator…nothing about this bodes well. It’s gonna take a full weekend. But the thought of spending a whole weekend doing that sounds so unappealing…I just wanna sleep all weekend and catch up on my shows, and sleep.

But nonetheless, this is something that I must do because I am currently wasting far too much time just moving piles of clothes from one place to another and then back again.

And then once that is done I can apply it to some other areas of my life that might need a bit of decluttering. I’ve already done it with my books. And by that I mean I moved all the books that I have already read this year that were just hanging around downstairs (all 16 of them) and moved them upstairs and then promptly collected all the books that I am due to read for the rest of the year into place. Seeing them all piled up together in one place isn’t actually as stressful as I thought it would be to be honest. And I really need to tidy up the pages on this blog, they all need updating bad. I was gonna do it last week, but I then decided it would be totally blog free and that just didn’t happen.

But yeah, basically I am just slowly falling into that lull of spring time being the perfect time to just get some decluttering done.

And I’m gonna actually start doing it this weekend. I’m thinking baby steps might be the best way to start with this. Super small baby steps, because I’m also busy on Saturday so it’s most likely going to start on Sunday.

Honestly, such a procrastinator.

Parentheses count: 6. See you tomorrow!

 

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My Life

About that Bullet Journal

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I think the title kind of indicates the vein down which this post today is gonna go.

That Bullet Journal of mine.

Ya know, that thing I talked about all the way in August? That thing that I talked about with all the enthusiasm I could muster? That thing that I was going  to start dedicating time to each day so that I could organise the hell out of my life? That thing that I bought a shiny new notebook for and a whole bunch of other accessories for?

Yeah that.

It didn’t happen.

I honestly have no real reason for this other than the fact that it kind of went down the line of many other things that I intend to do and then just sort of don’t do…it’s usually because I forget or something or I realise that it was a spur of the moment thing that I was never really going to commit to. I have a history basically. I will not lie to you, there was a part of me that thought that this very blog would be one of those things. This wasn’t the first time that I have set up a blog and at the time I kind of just assumed that it wouldn’t be the last.

But it was the last time in that case. And so, with that new cliche belief of a new year bringing about semi-radical changes and changing the game I decided to give my brand new purple notebook another shot. So I picked it up off my bedroom floor (it was in a pile of books somewhere) and dusted it off to restart it all.

I had to rip some pages out which has messed up with numbering of the pages (which I did get as far as doing over the summer) but the beauty of it all is that ultimately that doesn’t really matter. I’ve got an index and everything. There’s two whole pages dedicated to all the books I plan on reading this year, a clear layout of all the events that I already know about this year, with the space to add new ones as and when they come about. The bare bones are there and there is more flesh making an appearance on it all the time.

I don’t currently write in it daily or anything just because I haven’t quite gotten into that habit and I am terrible at writing tasks down and all that other stuff, but I do do it occasionally. And I am getting better at getting into some form of habit with it. I’m not gonna lie and say that I am miraculously more organised or with it or anything because that would be a lie, but on the days that I do take the time to sit down and write things down that things do feel a bit clearer and I can tell exactly what I need to do and what has already been done. Which you would think would mean that I would do it more often, but it doesn’t…yet.

The more I do it though the more I want to keep it up as a habit, which I felt like when I restarted blogging, so this is a good sign for me and my scattered brain I feel.

Soon, I’ll be like a bullet journal pro…or maybe not, but I will be upkeeping it.

Parentheses count: 1. See you tomorrow!

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