My Life

Checkpoint 5

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This check in is late I think…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I honestly cannot figure out the timings of it. I’m pretty sure it’s late. It should have happened last month but November was otherwise engaged and so it has to open December, which is gonna be festive-ish I guess. I’m not a big Christmas person until it gets to about the 20th and then I’m over it come the 27th. That’s it, you kinda get festive me for about a week, but during that week I go hardLike, I wear a Christmas jumper every day and always buy a new one to wear on the day.

This is kind of festive themed I guess. I mean it’s terrifyingly reaching the end of the year and this is the time where people start looking back at what they had intended to do for the year and seeing whether they’ve achieved it or not. This isn’t quite closing out the whole year because I wrote it up when it was supposed to be written but have only just had an opening to post it, the final check in will come some time in January when I do a 2018 version of this, but this is the last comprehensive update of the year. So without further ado:

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – There’s not really much more that I can do with this one. I had my second haircut of the year back in July and I am due another one in January (hell yeah perks of having hair that only needs two haircuts a year). I continue to wash, condition and deep condition my hair each week. Which is arguably kind of pointless given that during this season so far (meaning winter) and the fact that I work out 5 times a week it spends most of its time tied up. But it remains moisturised and there is some length coming to it and it’s plodding along. Leave in conditioners are my friends and I’m always trying new shampoos and new hair masks. I’m kind of done with this one. It’s become a habit at this point.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin –  Okay, so I have moved away from Lush products since the last check in. This happened mainly so I could see what Glossier hype was all about. I’ve got a full post coming about this later this week but it’s come with a new cleanser, moisturiser and sunscreen. My skin is looking less oily which is good, but the breakouts are still there and I can’t quite figure out why they are happening. I really need to get back to cleaning my face with Dark Angels once a week again for an extra exfoliating kick mid week but I keep forgetting. I mean I’m not treating my skin badly or anything, it’s just decided to go through a second puberty.

3) Tone The Hell Up – Look at some point in October my diet fell to shit and for some reason it now ebbs and flows. I’m not beating myself up about or anything and I kind of make up for it by regularly working out and stuff so I don’t feel bad about it or anything, but I really need to start shaping up with that again. Diet is like half the battle with this one. The exercise is routine now. It happens 5 times a week, I do cardio twice a week, I lift once a week, I do some bodyweight stuff that is basically just planks and squats and I do barre because nothing burns quite like the barre burn. Physically I have baby biceps that come out to play now and I can lift weights now which is changing things slightly and like, I have the hints of abs and my legs are hella toned. Did I do that for the aesthetics? Hell no. I did it to get stronger, to get moving, to help cope with my every day stresses and just really sweat the day away. But the aesthetics of it isn’t a bad thing. We’re approaching Christmas at this point, and while I’m not going to go crazy I’m kind of not naive enough to think that I’m going to completely overhaul my diet in amongst alllll the food. So this will trickle over into a 2018 goal.

4) Start Saving Properly –  Look, this has not gone well this year. It just hasn’t. But I think this is good. It’s forced me to really assess the whole situation properly and truly look at better ways to be saving money and how to get everything under control. So yeah, this has failed. In so many damn ways. But it can only go up from here.

5) Get Better Organised – The diary I bought does get used. But again, it remains super sporadic. It’s habit that I’v never had before and trying to get into one is proving hard for me. I’m choosing Sundays as the day where I sit down and just plan things out. And then I need to keep referring to it. In a similar way to how I do a face mask every Sunday and go through the hair washing process on a Monday, I just need to form a habit of it. And I have the motivation for it, so it’s getting there.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – I’ve learned this year that I need to not force this. I need to just let it do what it wants to do. And some days it wants to write 3,000 words in a day and others it wants to write 0. I need to learn to fall into this and not feel bad or feel like a failure when I don’t. I also need to not just let myself fall into a habit where I do not write anything for days on end. It’s just kind of frustrating the way it works, but I need to stop worrying about that. I also think that I am going to start making a habit of just writing for half an hour each night, and not just for this blog but outside of it. It’s just half an hour and yeah sometimes that half hour will fly by in a flurry or words and sometimes it won’t. I just need to roll with it and not fight it. My NaNo attempt was behind from day 2 and it sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world and realising that lifted a huge weight that I hadn’t even known I was carrying.  So yeah, I have written more and I’ve also not, but this is a ongoing thing for me and I have written a lot of stuff so I consider it a win.

And that is the 5th and final full check in for my 2017 goals for the year. Some have been good, some have been truly ignored and nothing has come from them. Some of them are ongoing beyond just this year and this was just the foundation for them.

Parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!

 

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My Life

One Goal

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As I mentioned on Friday, the majority of this month will be a bit all over the place and some might be prompt based. This will be one of those and the prompt is: ‘Share one goal you want to achieve this month’

I actually do actively want to get better organised. I know this is a goal that I have set up for the year and as you can probably gather I have been doing terribly. Just truly awful. I am on some level just terrified of making lists and all that jazz. It’s just I have this irrational fear that once I put it down into words then I am going to freak myself out and shut down and therefore trying to become organised would become null and void.

So that is my goal for September.

To actually be able to say come that next check in that I have felt myself finally click with getting into a routine of being organised.

And because I am me and I am stationery fiend (seriously I have such a problem) I have also bought myself an 18 (it might be 17 month actually) month diary. It’s florally, it looks super pretty. It’s from my new fave place Ohh Deer which I have to pretend is not a site that exists otherwise it would just have all my money. And also because I am me, I’m waiting for it to arrive before I truly get my shit together and get physically organised so for the time being everything remains a mess.

My main reason for this being my goal is that what with the whole return to my blog and the clusterfuck it was before I took my extended break I am very aware that it would be sooooo easy for me to sort of fall off the wagon again and clobber together everything really last minute and I’m not naive enough to think that still won’t be the case, but if I can just manage my time a bit better then it shouldn’t feel like such a chore, which it did come about June.

I do not want to fall out of love with my blog again, and I don’t want to fall into a total state of apathy (which I am well at the risk of doing) and I want to feel like I am actually filling my time with doing things that are going to better me in some way. And currently I have a couple of things that I want to do and I need to manage my time with it all. And I need to be better organised for that.

I need to literally write it all down and make time slots or something. I think first I need to figure out what the hell being organised actually means to me. But it means that I need to start getting on board with lists and putting things down on paper so I can physically see them, rather than just hoping that my brain is going to remember it all.

So that’s my goal for the month of September, that hasn’t yet come into effect because I need the stationery to arrive first…

I’m speaking it into existence on a bigger level than I have before, I will report back to see if I’ve been successful in the endeavour.

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

8 Month Point

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I spent an awful long time trying to figure out when the hell the next one of these was due. I think in total there should be 6 in the year if I do one every 2 months, so I think I have worked it out that one is due now, one in late October/early November and then one at the end of the year. I think. Honestly I cannot figure it out, but I’m gonna roll with that and pretend that I’m not truly atrocious at maths. So, here’s another check in.

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – I got a trim at the end of July just to keep it fresh (and also to encourage it to grow a bit, the fact that my hair seems to just hover at shoulder length when dry while it is boob length wet is a tad annoying to me right now, but I’m embracing the curls and all that jazz) and that is obviously to keep it as healthy as possible. I also deep condition it once a week and make sure that it is slathered in conditioner at all points to keep it hydrated and bouncy and in good nick. This one has basically just become part of my day to day life with great ease and it’s in the best condition it’s been in in years.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin – I fear that I am going to have to change my skin care routine up a bit shortly because I keep having break outs and I do not know why. Sometimes it’s hormonal and that’s fine, but it’s when it’s not that it’s annoying. And also the hyperpigmentation on my face has just become even more obvious recently, which I think is just because I’ve got a tan over the past couple of months and so the dark marks look darker. I’ve recently added Vitamin E oil to my night time routine as well as tea tree oil to deal with the breakouts overnight and I think there has been a small change in the state of my skin, but they are small. So I’m in two minds about what to do with it. But while I still um and ah about it I am keeping up with my existing routine to try and keep the issues under control.

3) Tone The Hell Up – I took a whole week off and did whatever the hell I wanted while I was in Greece because I was on holiday and who the fuck cares. I then came back and jumped straight back into doing a lot of cardio, which is a big deal for me because I cut the hell back from cardio for a good 2/3 months and just did low impact work outs (that focused on stretching as well). I then got my diet back on track for the most part and am still making small changes to it to try and make it better because all the exercise that I am doing don’t mean shit if my diet is whack. I’m also going to try and get back into exercises that focus more on stretching (like yoga and pilates which I haven’t done in over a month now). Look, I like the way my body looks. I like that it’s a lot stronger than it used to be. I like that I don’t need to fake being confident in wearing certain things that I own and actually am now. I will walk around in a crop top/bralette and shorts and not feel super self conscious. I have some personal goals that I am working towards for the end of the year and I feel confident that I am going to achieve them. I feel good about myself and that’s what this goal for the year was all about. I hated myself for too long and had far too many bad habits and behaviours that were doing me damage in so many ways and I’ve changed a lot of them and actually feel good now. Plus exercise is doing wonders for my mental health and that can never be a bad thing.

4) Start Saving Properly – Listen, I spent so much money in August cos holiday and I went a bit into denial about how much money I actually spent. So to counteract that I am basically not spending money on anything except for a need to basis for the next couple of months. So things like food, toiletries, my gym membership and my monthly train ticket are still on the list and I’m not going to deprive myself of going out if the opportunity arises, but for the most part I’m cutting back on my spending. That’s not going to contribute to the saving thing, but it is going to put me back in a position where I can start saving properly. This whole goal has been a total clusterfuck, which to be honest is what I expected.

5) Get Better Organised – I mean I don’t even know what is happening here. For the most part, I am not better organised but then also I somehow am as well…there has honestly been no change. But there probably needs to be because as it stands I am due to get more creative projects in my life that I need to dedicate time to and keep on top of them all, so some change is going to have to happen. But then again, knowing me I also don’t think it will.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – This is happening. I have 14,000 words of a novel written that came fully into existence throughout August. Plus I have some other projects that require my creativity over the next few months so this one is actually all coming together. Which I am really happy about because my creativity abandoned me in a big way recently and so having it back is just really great.

And that brings me to the end of this little 2017 intentions update. Another one of these will be coming at some point…I think it’s November…we’ll see. There are 2 more left that much I know.

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

…is this thing on?

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Somehow an entire month has now passed since the last time I typed those words and pushed the ‘schedule’ button. It feels like a long time and yet it feels like no time at all. In those 4 weeks I did something crazy and actually went on a holiday. My first one in 3 years and the first time I had taken longer than 5 days off work (which for the most part meant I utilised back holidays and nothing else) in 2 years.

I went to Kos, Greece and the weather was divine (and sometimes a tad too hot). I did a lot of sleeping and relaxing. And eating and drinking. I had a day in which I spent hours in the sea. I lived my life in swimsuits, bralettes and shorts. I completely disconnected from everything around me and got to spend a lot of time with one of my favourite people. It was bliss, I left feeling mostly really zen and relaxed and at peace. Which made going back to work all the more difficult, but I forgot that I booked the Friday off before the bank holiday meaning that in the month of August I did a grand total of 1 full week at work. Winning.

I read most of the books on my Summer Reading list but I hit a bit of small reading slump and that affected how quickly they were read and also I was thrown a curveball with Florence Grace which meant that I just currently get on board with it right now, turns out I need to prepare for that. But I’m making my way through Brideshead Revisited which means that I read 8 (and a half) of the books that I wanted to and also means that I am actually nearing the end of this year’s reading challenge. I mean literally all the books that I have left are pushing over 400 pages so I’m not going to declare that it is do-able quite yet, but I am amazed that I haven’t found the 51 books that I set myself at the beginning of the year a huge mountain to climb and am still on the wrong side of half way.  I might go back to Neil Gaiman after I’ve finished Brideshead because I’ve still got 3 books of his to read and I’m feeling the need to revisit the American Gods world before I finally binge the TV show. I’ll tackle Florence Grace again another week.

In terms of this blog, that whole month that I took off proved to be just what I needed and I have now actually got a plan for the REST of the YEAR. Because that is way closer than I would like it to be, but there you go. September is going to be a bit of a mish mash of things because it is going to be whatever the hell it wants to be. There will be prompt based posts, there will be whatever random things come out of my head, there may even be no posts at all. It’s gonna go how it goes. October will be the return of Letters to Autumn because I love doing that and it keeps things fresh because they can basically be whatever I want them to be and that eases some of the pressure. Moving through to November and it’s going to be book based. Yes, book based. This is mainly because come November I am going to have a LOT of books that need reviewing (as I write this I have books 33-37 saved as drafts) so I’m going to do a sort of a binge and then supplement that with some other book based posts. And then finally because by that point it will be December that month will be that thing that I cannot bring myself to talk about yet because it’s August (as I write this at least it is) themed. And then we reach the end of the year and hopefully by that point I will more ideas to get me through 2018.

Couple of other things, for now I am retiring my monthly playlists because I spend most of my time right now listening to the same songs over and over again and they rarely changed all that often, although sometimes a new one joins the rotation. And then I just listen to a lot of musical soundtracks. It really doesn’t change that much, so instead of doing a monthly one, I might just do one when the mood strikes. If it strikes. Also I’m getting rid of Summary Saturday, which may not be all the surprising given that it just sort of slipped away quietly already but yeah, that’s officially no linger gonna be a thing if only because it kind of feels like a wasted post. And also, I’m not gonna hold myself to such a tight schedule. If I can’t think of a post, then I’m not gonna force one out. That shouldn’t be that much of a problem in future months, but for this one, it’s most likely gonna happen. I have ideas sure, but sometimes life happens and those ideas don’t come as easy.

Other than that, I can now officially say that I’m back with a renewed sense of excitement for things and feeling more creative than ever. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that autumn is slowly creeping in and that’s always sort of been my season.

Parentheses count: 3. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

The Halfway Point

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Given that I did a two month and a four month update on this it seems only fitting that I would do a mid year check-in. Although it is totally insane that we are now at the halfway point of the year, did it not just start? With that in mind, here we go then…

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – I’m due another hair cut at the end of the month, which is progress given that generally speaking once I get a hair cut I then don’t go back for years on end. And in this year alone I’m due about 3 of them…so, it’s going well. I mean I say that, I have also not untied my hair in three days and it’s coming up to two weeks since I last washed it and it’s weirdly straight and so dry right now, but this is a blip and is mainly because I’ve been busy and it needs at least a couple of hours to so which I just haven’t had this week after work, but like I said, it’s a blip. Other than that, it’s going well. This is the healthiest my hair has been in a long while.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin –  I’ve added an SPF to my routine in the morning and Vitamin E facial oil at night, but honestly there’s not all that much I can really do. Except stop picking at my face when spots do appear. But yeah, I feel like just being consistent in what I’m doing is the best thing that I can do for it. I have also increased the frequency with which I exfoliate my skin, from once to twice and I’m gonna see where that leads me. But yeah, I am making progress with it I guess.

3) Tone The Hell Up – So, I’m still mostly off sugar, but that gets harder the hotter it gets because I want ice cream alll the time. I still tweaking with my diet in a general sense and I eat more fruit and veg than I used to, but there are parts of it that could definitely be better. I also dropped off cardio for the past 6 weeks (I started introducing it on Monday again) for a couple of reasons and switched to do more low impact exercises. So pilates, yoga and barre. It all burns. It all works. I feel stronger, I can get deeper into a push-up, my arms have some shape to them, there are hints of defined back muscles. I actually feel good in my body. Look, I can’t lift, I don’t do strength training and I don’t know if I want to, but I can hold solidly hold a plank for 60 seconds and I can finally touch the floor with straight legs. And currently my legs feel like a really heavy weight and my glutes burn and I still have a barre class to do this week which is going to make it worse (and yet also better…), but this is going well. It’s completely changed my attitude to myself and has helped with my mental health in a huge way that it didn’t before recently. And yeah, I don’t hate my body anymore, I had a breakthrough with it recently and came out the other side with an attitude that me 4/5 years ago would never even have dreamed of. I’m gonna up my cardio again at some point to two/three times a week again, but currently I’m mainly focused on low intensity, isometric workouts that really help me tone up and burn sooo much.

4) Start Saving Properly –  Can we not talk about this one please? It’s not gotten all that much better, I transfer money, sometimes I forget about, sometimes I need to transfer it back in. That plan that I was talking  about a couple of months ago will happen, I just don’t know when…

5) Get Better Organised – This comes and goes to be honest. Sometimes I get proper to-do listy and feel like I can conquer the world, but most of the time it is all just organised chaos in my head. I’m trying, probably not hard enough, but I’m trying nonetheless.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – Again, I don’t really know how to assess this one. I’m going to try and rectify that this month, but I’ve made no progress with that so far, but I’m gonna have to for tomorrow and I’m almost excited for this.

And there we go. The halfway point update. To be honest, it’s kind of going the way that I thought it would go. Number 4 and 5 are proving grey areas of difficultly because I’m me. 6 is kind of following the same vein as before given that I put it on the list in the first place because it wasn’t happening all that much. The first 3 are going in directions that I didn’t necessarily think they would, I mean skincare is, the fact that I actually got a hair cut for the first time in years still surprises me and my new attitude to exercise has also caught me off guard. I mean I started doing it just to be a bit healthier, but now it’s almost paramount to keeping me sane these days.

Anyway, see you in September with the next update on this!

Parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!

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My Life

New Year’s…Intentions

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The problem with returning to this blog in the second week of the year is that somehow even though a lot of time hasn’t really passed in the grand scheme of things (I mean 10 days isn’t that long) it seems like we are slowly approaching the time where talking about certain things has passed.

The thing in question is New Year’s Resolutions, which I am point blank refusing to call Resolutions because that word seems to hold a whole host of connotations and also I have never stuck to one in my life and so I am altering it slightly, as the title might suggest. I have basically acquired a list of things that I am going to just add into my everyday life:

1) Take Better Care Of My Hair – I am electing to live with this mass of curls on a daily basis and I am apparently too attached to it to cut it all off and so I need to stop just letting it exist and start actually taking better care of it. I already started doing that in December so it is basically just a continuation of that. I need to condition it more and use my best friend hair moisturiser and actually wash it at the very least once a week (I am so grateful that my hair doesn’t show the signs of being unwashed all that easily, it takes nearly 6 weeks…yes I know that for a fact). I also need to up the amount of hair treatments that I do. Just get all the moisture that I can in this frizzy mass of curls that is now officially half way down my back in length…

2) Take Better Care Of My Skin – I do this anyway. I clean, tone and moisturise it twice a day and I always take my make up off (when I wear it) but I still somehow have never had more spots in my life and I have a ton of spot related scars again as a consequence. My skin has basically just gone back to being the way that it was when I was 17/18. So, I need to try and stop touching my face so much (which basically means that I need to stop picking spots and might be harder than I think because I don’t even realise I’m doing it a lot of the time) and I also need to reintroduce SPF back into my life. I used to have it but then I changed my whole skin care routine and the SPF went with and when I tried to include one in my routine it just left a slightly grey look to my skin because although claiming it was for all skin colours I can tell you that it was not…I’ve got a new one and I’ve started using it in the morning (even when I don’t leave the house just to get into the routine properly) and they are pretty much the only changes that I’m going to make which will hopefully make some difference.

3) Tone The Hell Up – I have already been making baby steps to doing this for the past 6 months and I have slowly started to actually maybe begin to enjoy it…And I have also got to a point where when I go for a while without doing some kind of class (because I need the motivation that comes with a class to be honest, I never went as hard when I was doing it on my own as I do when there are others around which actively pushes me to try harder) then my body and my brain starts to miss it and I know that I need to get moving again. Which is never something that I thought would happen to me, but there we go. This year I’m going to ramp it up and try and tone the hell up. And I mean tone up. Not lose weight because I cannot afford to lose weight (I mean this both in the sense that I honestly don’t actually have all that much weight to lose in the first place I am pretty much at the stage where it would be borderline unhealthy if I lost that much and also all my clothes are the same dress size which I have been for years, I can’t afford to replace them all). I’m just gonna tone up. Which means that I need to be a bit smarter about the work outs that I do and also means that I have to change my diet, which is about 65% there, but I like ice cream and M&Ms too much and sometimes I forget to eat enough fruit and veg. Oh and also I’m going to start using that juicer I bought again, that’s gonna help me up the fruit and veg content.

4) Start Saving Properly – I keep making half assed attempts at this and if I read one more article about how twenty-somethings should start saving now and not do I might scream at myself. And so I am going to do just that. Which means that I am going to have to stop buying so many books, lipstick and shoes and channel that into the correct place. Spending is basically now going to be limited to food, toiletries, exercise, the occasional time that I am actually social and that bloody train ticket of mine. And also jeans and tights, I never seem to have enough of either…

5) Get Better Organised  – Hey, who remembers that bullet journal of mine? Yeah me neither. My last attempt to get organised in August just came to nothing and I have not been any close to more organised. I honestly don’t know how many times I have been saying this, but I am still saying it. And it something that I am going to actually try and follow through with this time. I’ve already made a baby step with this by pushing the first week back on here to now as opposed to last week so that I have the time to actually write some posts and get my scheduled posts nice and lined up. And I’ve dusted off the notebook intended for the bullet journal to have a take 2 at the whole thing. It will happen.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – I was sat on a kitchen floor when I got hit by an idea that I actually feel like I can do something with that I need to basically just figure out and get a first draft down for. But then also I just kind of want to apply that in a more general sense to other things as I feel like over the course of the year it kind of fell away and happened in small bursts, but nothing substantial. And it is partly to do with the fact that I have a lot less time to just sit and be creative but then again I do still spend a lot of time procrastinating when I get home from work and I have like 3 hours each evening that I just squander. Which is fine occasionally, but 5 nights a week? A bit much. So I want to do better. Adding a Friday post especially for it is something that I am hoping will aid myself in whipping it back into action.

And they are basically the things that I know I can action and take on for this year.

What about you? Any of you have any things that you want to try an achieve for the new year?

Parentheses count:  7. See you tomorrow!

 

 

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My Life

NaNoWriMo – The Final Update

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So, NaNoWriMo is over given that today is now the first day of a new (and final) month and so I guess I am due a second update on that whole writing 50,000 words in a month thing.

The short answer is I didn’t do it.

I didn’t update my word count once. I don’t even think I went on the website at any point beyond the first of the month.

In fact from what the basis of my story was, which stood at just over 24,000 words I have lost words.

That’s how the month had gone. And it’s basically gone that way because i have just reached peak procrastination levels recently. I go into weekends with the best of intentions and then by the time Sunday night rolls around I have almost nothing to show for it except for a new programme or film that can now be crossed off my list. That’s it. And it’s made all the more annoying by the fact that I have ideas. I have trails of thoughts that are half formed sentences and could actually slot into the overall narrative just fine if I ever actually bothered to get them out onto a piece of paper. But I don’t, so they just stay in my head and so far have yet to make it into the world and mean that there is for the most part no forward progression on the damn thing.

I’m not all that fussed about the fact that I have come no where close to finishing this thing for the first time in 4 years. This isn’t the first time that I haven’t finished and whereas the times previously when I haven’t finished have felt awful, this one doesn’t seem to phase me. I mean to an extent I am slightly disappointed but for the most part I’m very whatever about it.

Over the next few days I’m going to actually tie up the loose ends that I have, just so that I can stop talking about it and then I am going to try and get some of the things in my head out onto paper so that I can free up some space in my brain for some other things and maybe that way I can actually somehow get to a point where I have written an extra 50,000 words. And then written some more words to actually have something that could be considered a complete first draft and get ready to edit it again and repeat the process again.

So that’s my update. I failed in the most epic of fashions this NaNoWriMo and wrote a grand total of 0 words.

Ah well. How did those who did take the task on last month do?

Parentheses count: 1. See you at the weekend!

 

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