Check In 1

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These are coming bi-monthly. At the beginning of the month. At the end of every two months. I should remember that right? (No, I will remember that). That will make it 5 in this year and then a round up.

And without further ado here is the first check in

1) Learn how to fuck with eyeshadow

I’ve worn make up so little these past couple of months because I just did not really leave the house and it was just for my birthday that I put it on and as such I spent that day truly living my best. I also do not currently own any eyeshadows or appropriate brushes and I’m cutting down on my spending so that will be a goal that I might attempt later i the year.

2) Learn how to do a full pull up

I’ve not even gotten myself into a situation where I have even attempted to do this yet. I walk past these pull up bars in the park on the way to work every morning and think about how I will maybe use something with that kind of set up and then just haven’t even tried. I’m trying to work on my chest and upper body strength before I go in. I don’t even know why that is to be honest, but I just don’t feel ready to tackle this one yet.

3) Be able to a full push up

My half push up things are fine. If I’m on my knees and on the right day I can get down real low. I’ve not really gotten any further with the full one. Mainly because there is something a little bit niggly in my right wrist which makes bearing weight on it a bit hit and miss. Which is nice and useful for most body weight movements. It means that my balance is being tested slightly more because I try and avoid putting my hands down for some moves now and also means that I don’t do high planks and my knees are better at scraping the floor in mountain climbers. It also means that I avoid push ups currently. Like I said, it’s hit and miss, sometimes my wrist is fine, sometimes it’s not. I have to play it by ear.

4) Read 70 books

I’m 11 in. Soon to start the 12th. I’m making progress with this. I’m currently a little ahead of schedule, but only by a book. This is plodding along.

5) Lift heavier

I’ve come the realisation that this one is kind of vague and so I’m breaking it down a little. I’m aiming to reach a TUT squat weight of 20kg, arms/chest to 10/12kg and then everything else to roughly 15kg by July. And then I will reassess then if I have managed to do it. I went up in my squat weight last Sunday to 15kg on a whim, but my arms/chest didn’t feel quite up for the challenge of 10kg and I was right they struggled with their usual 8 and the rest of it I just felt like I was going to compromise massively on form so I just stuck with 10kg which seemed like the right choice. I am making steps. The 15kg felt kinda good, I was surprised at how much I had missed it and also by how much I enjoyed it.

6) Eat more fruit and veg

This remains hit and miss. Some weeks I’m really good and on it and hit 5 a day and then some weeks I don’t. I really need to work to make it a more conscious effort.

7) Cook More

This is going nowhere right now.

8) Finish the damn book

I aimed to get to 10,000 words on The Thing this week. That’s where I’m at with that 10,000 words. No real character building, only a vague plot, no coherence with the way that I am writing it, but the words seem to be there and I do know what I want the arc to be. It’s something.

9) Write for half an hour a day

This is not happening. I mean I am writing for half an hour or more when I’m writing for this blog, but externally of that I am not that disciplined with that yet.

10) Get better organised

We all know the answer to this right?

11) Get my Peak score to 800

On February 6th this happened. I knew it was coming because suddenly the number stopped hanging in the 770/780’s and was at 794. And so I plodded along to get to my goal of 800. It felt like such a great achievement after it alluding me for so long. So now the goal is 900.

12) Meditate more

Again, not really happening right now. It’s just not a habit that I appear to have any desire to cultivate for some annoying reason. Ironically I think I am in my own head too much and can’t switch off, nor can I accept that that is just a thing that happens, but the key is to let those thoughts pass and then bring it back. As I’m writing this I am in the midst of reading Eat, Pray, Love and she has just got to India, which is the Pray, part and she is talking about meditation and how she struggles with it and I feel kind of the same way.

13) Save, save, save

I’m made a huge reduction in the amount of unnecessary spending I am doing, so this is kind of fine right now. It’s where I want it to be to be honest. I’ve allowed myself a couple of things (like my Apple Watch and a new pair of trainers) but for the most part I am getting better at saying no.

14) Put more effort into blogging

This seems to be doing alright. I mean I did just sort of reinvent this blog a bit these past couple of weeks (and this is the last mention) and I feel a new sense of excitement about it which is always good. I’m also getting better at sharing my posts more frequently. This feels good.

15) The Masters

Okay, so this is still an idea. But I now also have another thing that I may want to do. I’m aware that I am being quite vague about this but currently it’s still just a seed in my head that I may or may not water…

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Glossier Update

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Now as we all know I became a full on Glossier convert during the last quarter of 2017. I remain one. Then in mid-January they launched a new product.


The second it went live on the UK website it went straight into my basket, along with a new Boy Brow because I was running out (and so I also got free delivery, go me) and then two days later it was in my hand.

It promises results within 4 weeks and well I have had since the 20th January and therefore we are have reached that 4 week mark (well, it’s actually closer to 6)  so naturally I am going to talk about it and whether I think it is working for my skin.

First of all I use this at night, You can use it at any time of the day as long as you use it only once so I picked end of day, just because I think it has a bit more of a chance to truly put some work in while I sleep.

Within the first week or so I noticed that my face broke out. There were whiteheads galore and they really helpfully all collected in the same place so patches of my face were just spot only zones. I think that was mainly just my skin adapting to it though as once they had all cleared up my breakouts sort of settled back down to normal. The thing that I’ve noticed about all my spots in my time using them is that they seemed to scab over and reach that really juicy state where they are ripe for the picking a lot quicker. Which I guess is a good thing for the life span of the spot on my face, but is a bad thing when you’re prone to spot picking like I am. It’s the spot picking problem that is causing all of the hyperpigmentation issues (for the most part) on my face that I am trying to get rid of. So it gives and it takes there.

Also I learnt that you really need to heed the warnings when it comes to sunscreen application. I already do put sunscreen on on the daily, but it’s just one my face that I am super on top of. I sweep this over my face and also down my neck and in the first few days that I neglected to apply sunscreen to my neck the skin got suupppeerrrr sensitive. Nothing too major, because it’s winter right now and I live in a scarf that protects it from any potential sun exposure, but enough for it to be very uncomfortable. It only took a couple of days of application for that to go away, so yeah. Sunscreen is important.

The thing that I have noticed in a big way is that my skin is super soft. The cleanser had already gone some of the way of making my skin feel super soft and this just seemed to increase that immensely. Honestly my skin is so soft and smooth.

I kind of made the mistake of not taking any proper progress photos when it comes to this. I am super critical of my skin and super aware of just how many little scars there are and am not convinced that they are actually going anywhere. But when I am not being hypercritical my skin has actually cleared up a bit. Also whilst I’ve been using this I have noticed that my Vitamin E oil has just been absorbed all the way in. And so is my moisturiser so yes, this does help make other products work better. The oil problem hasn’t been that bad for a while and it has now settled down again but there was a week about 2/3 weeks ago where my skin just went to being a straight up oil slick, so I definitely felt like my skin need to adjust to using acids for the first time, but once it did it’s all been moving smoothly.

This is £19 which isn’t super cheap, but also is an investment that is sure for sure worth I feel, it has improved the overall appearance of my skin. However, I do have a slight issue with the length of time it lasts for. I got a new cleanser in November last year and I think started using it at the beginning of December, I’ve only just bought a new one and I’ve still got at least a week left in my current one meaning that it has about a 3 month shelf life. My Priming Moisturiser Rich was bought around the same time and I’ve still got a couple of weeks left with it, I’ve got a couple of months left with the Priming Moisturiser before I need a replacement. I’ve been using this for 6 weeks and am already 3/4 the way through. It kind of only amounts to a month difference I think between the products, but I only use it once a day like the two moisturisers so I was slightly surprised by how quickly I was moving through it. But it’s a small gripe for what is otherwise a damn great product.

It’s been a very much welcomed addition to my skincare routine and there is a part of me that is still itching to try one of the serums and see what they might add to my routine as well. I’m waiting until I get closer to finishing my Vitamin E oil before I make a more considered decision about which one I’m going to try, but I imagine in a few months time there will be another one these updates…

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Right, I’ve alluded to this a few times. Last year was hard for me. Mentally. It was damn draining. My anxiety sent me out of damn control. Again.

It’s been that bad before. Way back in my second year of uni I kind of hit a massive wall. I felt awful. I felt alone. I felt tired all the time. I kind of didn’t understand the point of doing anything. I very nearly dropped out of uni and just live in my bed never to leave. I kind of didn’t really do anything about it at the time, I pulled myself to the end of the year and then just had the summer before I went back for my third year.

But I was even more alone then in my third year. I didn’t live with anyone that I knew, I could honestly go for days without really talking to anyone. I was not in the headspace to have that much time to myself in my own head. But I did. And I drove myself a little bit mad.

To the point that I would find myself without fail on a Thursday for weeks on end just taking myself to the on campus nurse/doctor. Funnily enough there was never actually anything really wrong with me. I mean I did have a really stiff neck at one point but that probably because I was holding so much damn tension in my shoulders. But otherwise there was nothing wrong with me. I spent a lot of time spiralling semi out of control. On my own.

It was kind of hellish to be honest.

At some point it was suggested that maybe I had some form of anxiety, but nothing ever really came of it and whilst I was trying yoga and mediation and trying to keep myself busy to distract myself from my own thoughts it just sort of stopped being a problem.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t stop spending so much time by myself or anything, but I guess I finally had something to strive to and that something was I realised that I was going to have work my ass off in order to get a 2.1. I could not leave uni without getting a 2.1 Seriously.

And then I don’t even really know what happened post that. I think once I was finished with uni I was so damn tired that I don’t think I had it in me to be anxious in regards to every single thing. I didn’t even have it in me to be anxious about the fact that I couldn’t seem to get a job.

And then I got a job. And I spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying because the anxiety came back. Then I settled into it and didn’t feel so shitty all the time. Then the job changed and the crying started again. Then I settled again and it was fine.

And then last year started and I have not been quite okay for about a year now. I go through phases where I’m coasting ya know? But for the most part there is always this weird feeling curling in the pit of my stomach that feels like it’s going to burst into a full blown panic attack. It hasn’t quite done that yet, but it got real close a couple of weeks ago where I full on cried twice in the same of an hour and had that weird kind of crying tension headache for the rest of the day.

Anyway cycling back to my point, because there is one, because I noticed a moment of progress this week that I was a little bit apprehensive about.

So, when my anxiety gets really bad it manifests itself primarily in me focusing on my health. I did it in 2012/13. And I did it again last year. Because on the back of a stressful day at the beginning of the week I went to a boxing class with the hope of getting it out of my system and during the warm up I noticed my heart skip a beat. Now I’ve done a lot of reading about this since, that’s a thing that happens as your heart starts to speed up to accommodate the increase of oxygen that your body needs as you exercise. In the most basic of senses. And the rational part of my brain could accept that. Knew that it happened to me before. Knew that my recovery time was good. And is better than it’s ever been. I knew all that. But my brain decided that it didn’t want to be rational and so it gave me something to focus on.

And when you focus on it then it becomes a problem. And my obsession and hyper sensitivity with it became a problem. And I managed to have this whole problem whilst still going into work and being around people for 8 hours a day. One person knew I wasn’t quite right. One.

I thought the reason that it got so bad the first time was because I was just left alone to my own devices and thoughts 24/7, but no. It got bad when I was surrounded by people, but no one knew. Bar the one person I told because they knew that I wasn’t okay and it felt good to just say it out loud. Not the whole thing, just the fact that I was having a bad time of it anxiety wise.

So anyway, I was obsessed with this and spent most of time focusing on it. I stuck to low impact exercises only because it didn’t get my heart rate up and that was more manageable. I went to see my GP. Twice. The first one was shit and told me that it might help with I dealt with my skin problems and my minor acne problem. The second one actually took me seriously. And sent me down the route of therapy.

And I did that. And it mostly worked.

What also worked was the fact that I literally forced myself to get back into more hardcore exercises, aka cardio. Which had honestly become my nemesis. And it was fine. That remains fine. I mostly do flat out cardio twice a week now and there are cardio elements to my other 3 workouts in the week. My heart rate goes up. I don’t worry about it anymore.

Which brings me to the point. Finally.

My Apple Watch tells me what my heart rate is. I spent hours driving myself mad with my fingers against the pulse in my neck. The number was never accurate because I was so worried about it and that skewed the reading. Then I started trying to do it whilst I was working out and then straight after. Then I tried to figure out when it went back to resting. I told you I drove myself mad. And I tried to force myself to stop doing that as much as possible.

If I ever found myself reaching to do it I would have to distract myself and do something else. Like walk around the office, or get some water, or just go to the toilet for no real reason. And eventually I stopped doing it. That element of my anxiety went away. It thankfully wasn’t replaced by anything.

But I was still wary of anything that would draw my attention to it because I am not really in the correct headspace to not let it overtake my life again. It’s been 5 days now and to be honest I’ve not even really thought about. I mean I have, but more because I was just curious to know what my resting heart rate was and the way it peaked during exercise. And well, that feels kind of wild.

I am not exaggerating when I say that for a couple of months last year it kind of consumed my life. And I stopped thinking about because I forced myself to. I had to change the habit. And I did for the most part. And apparently have done so. I’m not saying that it’s for good or anything because I’ve said that before and then last year happened so that was bullshit. But it feels like it’s done enough for now.

And for that reason, I am kind of proud of myself. I am proud that. I am proud that I have stopped letting that part of my anxiety rule my life because that shit was getting exhausting.

I’m proud of that. And I feel like I need to celebrate the small victories because it does still have a hold over a large part of my life. For example trains stopping for a slightly prolonged period of time still gets my heart racing my mind providing a lot of bad scenarios which I guess is the next area of this mammoth beast to tackle…

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The Insomniac Chronicles

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Something else I have learned over the past week is that there are several posts on here that unintentionally have the same title. In fact two of them fall into the same genre and everything. I accidentally fell into the use of this title, but like, it’s pretty much always applicable to be honest and so here we are.

Clearly I’m talking about sleep again now.

Story time, I got a Fitbit in October 2016 and it has served me well over the years, but well I’m Apple trash and so on Friday I got my hands on an Apple Watch and to be honest I regret nothing. But here’s the thing currently that is proving to be a bit of a learning curve, I just got used to what my Fitbit did for me with great ease. I could track my steps, my calories burned, total distance covered, minutes of exercise, what workouts I did and my water intake all in one handy place. Oh and it also tracked my sleep.

Now it was flawed for sure mainly because it didn’t really indicate quality of sleep. I mean it would tell me that I slept for 5 hours when really all I did was lay there with my eyes closed in the lightest of sleeps for that long, if not longer, I was just very still whilst I did it. But it gave me a general idea. And I kind of liked that. It gave me an indicator of how well I was going to fare for the day because I knew how much sleep I was roughly working with. It meant that a lot of the time I always ended up surprising myself because I found myself surprisingly chipper when all I was running off was 5 hours sleep. I quite enjoyed having that knowledge.

My new toy doesn’t do that for me automatically. And so now I am frantically searching for an app that will help do that for me because I am apparently accustomed to having that knowledge in my brain. I’m not even really asking for it to do much, I just want a general idea of how long I’ve slept for. Since Friday I’ve tried two. One was Pillow, it requires both your phone and your watch to be opened to the app. The time that I used it they didn’t sync together but the app stayed open on my phone and it drained half my battery. It wasn’t a major thing because I could just charge during the day but I don’t charge my phone overnight so it had the potential to be disastrous. I don’t even really know why they didn’t sync together but they didn’t. I’m not about to risk trying it again and draining my battery like that when I need it for an alarm.

So then I tried a second one, Sleep++, which you just need the watch for and I’ve only used it once, but it’s super basic. Not that my Fitbit was super informative or anything, but on first impression it seems to offer the bare minimum info. And also you need to turn it on and off. The turning off part is fine, but the turning on one seems like it might get annoying. Like I’ve said I’ve only used it once so I guess I have to give it a little bit of time before I can make a proper decision on it.

But I am honestly one of those people right now that seems to need to have their sleep tracked for some reason. I’m like researching it and everything trying to figure out the best app for me whether that be on the watch or on my phone. I am just obsessed with analysis of this for some reason.

I say for some reason, I know why it is. I am a bad sleeper. I’ve mentioned this many a time. I’m currently not doing all that badly with it at the moment, but for the most part I’m a bad sleeper. And so I find knowing this information on some level kind of interesting to know. It just makes other areas of my life easier to track, like my mood or my energy levels, and I’ve been tracking it for well over a year now. It’s a habit.

So this was a slightly different Insomniac Chronicles today, mainly just me talking about how I apparently need to be the kind of person who needs to sleep track now. At this point there is very little that I don’t track, but more on that later.

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Things I’ve Learned

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As I have mentioned a couple of times over the past week (and hopefully have noticed) I have been having a little revamp on the blog. It’s been one of my goals for this year to invest more time in my blog and make it something a little better for me.

It was an investment. It took me pretty much all week and I only really truly appreciated just how much effort I have put into this blog as I was trawling through them all and making featured images with them all whilst making sure that the sign off was consistent (and was put back on) across all the posts.

This thing has been a damn investment, especially over the past 2 and a half years. It’s become my damn solace and a really great way for me to just put words on a page and  somewhere where a lot of the time I end up just putting all my thoughts onto the screen. And I’ve done it a lot.

There are some posts on here that I had totally forgotten about and some of them are super random.

Another thing I discovered, it’s been legit months since I posted something on here that was even remotely creative. For months most of my posts have been banging on about something and I’ve not used the ‘my writing’ category for yonks. That’s something that I kind of want to change. I don’t have any immediate plans to do that or anything just because I am currently focusing on The Thing (that is honestly what the document is currently called), but I am sure that I have something in a notebook somewhere that has not yet made it’s way onto here that I can tidy up and dust that category off for.

Something else I learned, there are some common themes that continue to crop out and have done for year. For example (and on some level I did know this) I have been talking about trying to be more organised for bloody years now. And it has always happened in bursts but then just nothing happens with it and the habit is never formed. It still hasn’t been formed. I’m still just as chaotically organised as I usually am. I haven’t opened that damn diary thing for weeks now, when I went through a stage of sitting down and plotting the week out vaguely on a Sunday. It’s just not something I do. I may just have to make my peace with the fact that it might never be a thing that come naturally to me and stop trying to make it happen. It’s like ‘Fetch’.

My attitude to exercise has been kind of interesting. Given that this year I literally felt the need to add a new category to put all my fitness shit into it was interesting to see how like 2/3 years ago I was pretty averse to it. I mean I also seemed to speak about it in a tone of voice that suggested that I knew I needed to start doing it but was also not actually doing anything about. I found most of that out yesterday afternoon which I found particularly amusing as I made the first steps to upping my weights for the session. I only went up for leg tracks because they are by far the strongest part of my body but it was actually at 15kg (so it went up by a whole 2.5kg…) but it didn’t feel impossible. So that personal journey was interesting to see.

Also the reading challenge thing. That has gotten progressively more ridiculous over the years. In 2015 I bunged a bunch of books together and kept them super short. The one I wrote yesterday was around 1,000 words and I wrote most of it on a train home which amounts to about 30 minutes. I’ve allowed myself to do more with them because there is a part of me that likes that I am vibing with the English graduate in me.

I’ve quite enjoyed it on some level, the whole going down memory lane thing, because there were a lot of posts that I’m quite proud of but had completely forgotten about just because of the sheer volume of posts on here.

I also deleted some posts, just because they didn’t really seem to serve a purpose anymore, although I kind of didn’t really think about the logistics of it. My milestone count is now out because 70 posts just cease to exist, which is no drama, I’ve mostly corrected them the best that I can so that they still make sense in a way without the mention of the milestone. I might also bring the playlists back, not on such a frequent basis but just every now and again. I’ve got one in my drafts actually that has been sitting there for months that I might finally switch to ‘schedule’…

The thing that I have mainly learned from this is that I am actually capable of buckling down when I get home from either work or the gym because I did it with this. I didn’t lost whole evenings somehow because I put some pressure on myself to get this done, and when the blogs started going back I had to super efficient and get them written whilst I was still doing maintenance. And I think I need to apply this more. I’m currently trying to get to 10,000 words on The Thing, which in theory I could have done yesterday but I eased off the accelerator slightly and caught up on some YouTube videos that were just sitting there waiting for me to watch them and I had been so go, go, go that it felt very much needed. But I want to get there by mid week at least if I can.

The ultimate lesson I have taken from this though is that I never want to do it again and so I need to keep on top of this and also, I’ve committed to this now, because there is no damn way that I am going to go through all of them and remove all the images (I’ve done that in the past, but the blog was smaller). It was a mammoth, somewhat crazy, task to take on and I am really looking forward to the fact that I now have the time to do other things. Like right The Thing and also get some more blog posts banked up.

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Final 2017 Check In

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So 2017 has well and truly come to a close even though it’s only been 3 days since the clock ticked over to midnight signalling a new year, but as such I am due a final check in from my 2017 ‘Intentions’. As I mentioned in Checkpoint 5 this one will just be a quick summary of the year as I went quite in depth in that one.

Without further ado, let’s wrap last year up:

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – This has moved along fine. I am getting another hair cut at some point this month because you gotta cut it to get that length. I’m keeping it moisturised and super hydrated. I’ve just gotta keep this up, but I’ve got into a routine with it and so I consider this one a success

2) Take Better Care of My Skin –  I’ve been using Glossier for two months now and my skin feels a lot better hydrated. I’ve dropped tea tree oil from routine completely and haven’t really noticed that much of a difference. I still keep getting breakouts on my forehead but they clear up pretty quickly and I’m currently pretty happy with where I’ve got my routine to.

3) Tone The Hell Up – I never really got my diet back under control and then December hit and then it just all got worse. Not massively or anything, but yeah the diet overhaul that starts next week (because nothing happens in the first week of the year in my life) will be real. Also going to look at my workout breakdown week on week and see what I can change there. Mainly looking at how I can get Pilates/Yoga back into my routine.

4) Start Saving Properly – No, this ended badly. But yeah, this year will be the year.

5) Get Better Organised – This has rolled over into this year. It would be nice to know that it’s a habit come summer to be honest. I’m aiming for it earlier.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – I’ve kind of made my peace with where I’m at with this one. It’s been a bit of a mess for the most part but I’m at peace with its status. I’m going to get back to it a bit more this year mainly because I want to finish a couple of things to be tied up and done.

And that’s my final check in for 2017. I can actually only cross two off the list completely and consider them to be habits, which is a third of them…ah well.

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Checkpoint 5

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This check in is late I think…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I honestly cannot figure out the timings of it. I’m pretty sure it’s late. It should have happened last month but November was otherwise engaged and so it has to open December, which is gonna be festive-ish I guess. I’m not a big Christmas person until it gets to about the 20th and then I’m over it come the 27th. That’s it, you kinda get festive me for about a week, but during that week I go hardLike, I wear a Christmas jumper every day and always buy a new one to wear on the day.

This is kind of festive themed I guess. I mean it’s terrifyingly reaching the end of the year and this is the time where people start looking back at what they had intended to do for the year and seeing whether they’ve achieved it or not. This isn’t quite closing out the whole year because I wrote it up when it was supposed to be written but have only just had an opening to post it, the final check in will come some time in January when I do a 2018 version of this, but this is the last comprehensive update of the year. So without further ado:

1) Take Better Care of My Hair – There’s not really much more that I can do with this one. I had my second haircut of the year back in July and I am due another one in January (hell yeah perks of having hair that only needs two haircuts a year). I continue to wash, condition and deep condition my hair each week. Which is arguably kind of pointless given that during this season so far (meaning winter) and the fact that I work out 5 times a week it spends most of its time tied up. But it remains moisturised and there is some length coming to it and it’s plodding along. Leave in conditioners are my friends and I’m always trying new shampoos and new hair masks. I’m kind of done with this one. It’s become a habit at this point.

2) Take Better Care of My Skin –  Okay, so I have moved away from Lush products since the last check in. This happened mainly so I could see what Glossier hype was all about. I’ve got a full post coming about this later this week but it’s come with a new cleanser, moisturiser and sunscreen. My skin is looking less oily which is good, but the breakouts are still there and I can’t quite figure out why they are happening. I really need to get back to cleaning my face with Dark Angels once a week again for an extra exfoliating kick mid week but I keep forgetting. I mean I’m not treating my skin badly or anything, it’s just decided to go through a second puberty.

3) Tone The Hell Up – Look at some point in October my diet fell to shit and for some reason it now ebbs and flows. I’m not beating myself up about or anything and I kind of make up for it by regularly working out and stuff so I don’t feel bad about it or anything, but I really need to start shaping up with that again. Diet is like half the battle with this one. The exercise is routine now. It happens 5 times a week, I do cardio twice a week, I lift once a week, I do some bodyweight stuff that is basically just planks and squats and I do barre because nothing burns quite like the barre burn. Physically I have baby biceps that come out to play now and I can lift weights now which is changing things slightly and like, I have the hints of abs and my legs are hella toned. Did I do that for the aesthetics? Hell no. I did it to get stronger, to get moving, to help cope with my every day stresses and just really sweat the day away. But the aesthetics of it isn’t a bad thing. We’re approaching Christmas at this point, and while I’m not going to go crazy I’m kind of not naive enough to think that I’m going to completely overhaul my diet in amongst alllll the food. So this will trickle over into a 2018 goal.

4) Start Saving Properly –  Look, this has not gone well this year. It just hasn’t. But I think this is good. It’s forced me to really assess the whole situation properly and truly look at better ways to be saving money and how to get everything under control. So yeah, this has failed. In so many damn ways. But it can only go up from here.

5) Get Better Organised – The diary I bought does get used. But again, it remains super sporadic. It’s habit that I’v never had before and trying to get into one is proving hard for me. I’m choosing Sundays as the day where I sit down and just plan things out. And then I need to keep referring to it. In a similar way to how I do a face mask every Sunday and go through the hair washing process on a Monday, I just need to form a habit of it. And I have the motivation for it, so it’s getting there.

6) Try And Be More Creative/Just Write More – I’ve learned this year that I need to not force this. I need to just let it do what it wants to do. And some days it wants to write 3,000 words in a day and others it wants to write 0. I need to learn to fall into this and not feel bad or feel like a failure when I don’t. I also need to not just let myself fall into a habit where I do not write anything for days on end. It’s just kind of frustrating the way it works, but I need to stop worrying about that. I also think that I am going to start making a habit of just writing for half an hour each night, and not just for this blog but outside of it. It’s just half an hour and yeah sometimes that half hour will fly by in a flurry or words and sometimes it won’t. I just need to roll with it and not fight it. My NaNo attempt was behind from day 2 and it sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world and realising that lifted a huge weight that I hadn’t even known I was carrying.  So yeah, I have written more and I’ve also not, but this is a ongoing thing for me and I have written a lot of stuff so I consider it a win.

And that is the 5th and final full check in for my 2017 goals for the year. Some have been good, some have been truly ignored and nothing has come from them. Some of them are ongoing beyond just this year and this was just the foundation for them.

Parentheses count: 2. See you tomorrow!


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